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Comment by Danny on December 15, 2013 at 6:28am

Mark and Melisa, let's try hard to make it through a tough month ahead of us by praying and keeping a bit busy if possible.  My story is a bit similar to Mark's but I am doing the things he talked about: making some small decisions, trying to put down goals that I have put off and so on. 

Comment by Melisa C on June 11, 2013 at 6:25am

Martha, I realize it sounds very, very depressing, what I wrote. But it's how I feel and see life a lot of the time, now. The fact is that we all have to manage to go on and make our loved ones proud, it's just that I would love to continue this road as it used to be, with my dear Mom.

 One reason I like this place and writing and reading what others say, is that I don't feel crazy for having these thoughts, since there are others who are going through the same.

Comment by Martha on June 10, 2013 at 7:38pm

Melisa, your writing makes me feel like I am not the only one going thru the exact same thing. My Mom had a heart of gold, my angel. My life feels upside down since she left last year.

 

Keep writing, it makes a difference. To you, to your Mom & to people you do not even know.

 

Comment by Mark on June 5, 2013 at 9:48am

Melissa,

 

I was in the process of commenting back on here and then my screen "vanished" so if a duplicate comment shows up from this morning from me, this is why.

 

I am concerned anytime someone says they can't go on etc. I am not an expert in grief and loss, but I would suggest you might want to look for a grief support group or similar through a local hospice or something like that. It helped me.

 

I still feel sad. This is not to minimize your feelings. Me and my mom were very close. It wasn't always that way. But we grew closer.  The pain of the loss of both my parents but mom because it was so sudden still hurts alot.

I also am somewhat "alone";  ironically, godparents for me, and a few other close friends have helped me tremendously. There is some family, but it is limited in some ways - just from lack of history etc.

Please try to get some guidance.  I am not an expert or professional, and I am repeating that I believe from earlier because I would want someone to suggest that to me - to see an expert - if I was saying what you are.

 

The days are tough sometimes, and meaning at times is lost in my world too.

 

Take care.

Comment by Melisa C on June 5, 2013 at 6:48am

Yes, it does help, Mark. There's something nice about the fact that one knows that someone read what I wrote and can also relate.

I do think that what you say makes sense, about reaching goals, being a better person, trying to keep going. It's just that right now I'm in a weird place, I don't know what the future will be. I have to make some big changes with myself if I want to actually have a future and a life. And I don't know if I'm capable of doing it. My Mom was my support and it's just hard.

Comment by Mark on June 5, 2013 at 1:30am

Melissa,

 

All I can do is share how I feel about my loss - and not pretend to know your loss and how it is affecting you. We can all guess how a person feels but we don't "truly" know.

 

My mom was my only remaining parent and I lost her a year ago - and this wasn't long after also losing my father. I never got to say goodbye to my mother; it was a very sudden death.  I'm still feeling the sadness 1 year later. Has it got easier or more tolerable? yes. But the pain is still there; I drive down certain streets and it hurts to remember things. 

I have tried to find a balance of praying, praying to god, asking for him to guide me, to - if possible -send my thoughts to mom and dad.  This was not the first loss I had experienced in my life, but this has been the toughest. I was very close with both my parents.

I am trying to reach some of my goals that I hadn't reached in my life when they were alive, and I have to try and keep pushing ahead. I think as long as I'm trying to make good decisions, that is what they would want.  They wouldn't want me sad I don't believe.

I hope this helps. I hope the fact that someone else is going through some challenges - I cried just today a couple times, this morning and then this evening (at home - before and after work), thinking of them - makes you feel like you are not going through this alone.