I found this today and it is worth sharing.  I found it validated all of what I have been telling myself and others about letting me do this my way.  I have lived through enough horror in my life I know I needed to trust myself to make the right decisions for me and reading this today was good.  I am going to print a copy off and put it on my fridge.  I hope when you click on the link it takes you to the page written by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. called Helping yourself heal when your spouse dies.  But it makes sense to me as a mother whos son died in 2010 too. 

http://griefwords.com/index.cgi?action=page&page=articles%2Fhel...

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It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
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