Coping with Suicide Loss

"One learns to live with the loss, the tragedy, the waste, and the gaping hole in the fabric of one's life. There is no closure, nor would I want one. I want to remember him all my life, vividly: his laughter, the smell of his sneakers under his bed, his moments of joy, his humility, and his integrity."
Some survivors struggle with what to tell other people. Although you should make whatever decision feels right to you, most survivors have found it best to simply acknowledge that their loved one died by suicide.

You may find that it helps to reach out to family and friends. Because some people may not know what to say, you may need to take the initiative to talk about the suicide, share your feelings, and ask for their help.

Even though it may seem difficult, maintaining contact with other people is especially important during the stress-filled months after a loved one's suicide.

Keep in mind that each person grieves in his or her own way. Some people visit the cemetery weekly; others find it too painful to go at all.

Each person also grieves at his or her own pace; there is no set rhythm or time-line for healing.

Anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays may be especially difficult, so you might want to think about whether to continue old traditions or create some new ones. You may also experience unexpected waves of sadness; these are a normal part of the grieving process.

Children experience many of the feelings of adult grief, and are particularly vulnerable to feeling abandoned and guilty. Reassure them that the death was not their fault. Listen to their questions, and try to offer honest, straightforward, age-appropriate answers.

Some survivors find comfort in community, religious, or spiritual activities, including talking to a trusted member of the clergy.

Be kind to yourself. When you feel ready, begin to go on with your life. Eventually starting to enjoy life again is not a betrayal of your loved one, but rather a sign that you've begun to heal.

Source: AFSP

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Comment by Emily Wardeiner on June 30, 2010 at 10:00am
Donna - A close friend of mine committed suicide just on 2 mths ago. She had a drinking problem, which increased her need to end her life. The thing with grief is that sometime you will feel numb and in autopilot mode, but there will be a time and a need to let it out at some stage. All I can say is that Tou will find that time and a few more answers to your questions. they will re-surface at some stage or another but it will get easier over time and more understandable.
Comment by Emily Wardeiner on June 30, 2010 at 9:56am
Thank-you for posting. Donna - I agree!
Comment by donna henderson on October 15, 2009 at 12:23am
he had a drinking problem and he refused to get help he also started using drugs...and unfortunately he chose to end his life. nobody saw it coming....our government needs to make better laws if someone threatens suicide they have to be signed into a psychiatric ward i believe had this happened he would still be alive instead of me having to go to his wake/funeral.
Comment by Diana, Grief Recovery Coach on October 11, 2009 at 7:45am
I am so sorry. Do you know why he committed suicide?
Comment by donna henderson on October 11, 2009 at 1:46am
my cousin doug was 24 years old he committed suicide on thursday, i cant believe that he is dead its a shock and i am very much in denial i try to cry but i cant i want to but the tears won't come out i am so numb, and I feel as if i am on autopilot.

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