We must always remember that every person’s situation is different, and every person’s unique experience and personality plays a role in their grief. There’s no time limit for “getting over it,” and …

We must always remember that every person’s situation is different, and every person’s unique experience and personality plays a role in their grief.

There’s no time limit for “getting over it,” and “moving on.” I’m still amazed at how prevalent this view is in society, and also how limiting and damaging it is for those who need to mourn in order to heal and create a new life out of their experience of loss.

To quote from Mary Oliver’s “The Uses of Sorrow,” as I’ve done before in Hello Grief:

Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this too, was a gift.

The new life we create after loss doesn’t put the grief behind. If we are wise, in time, the experience of loss softens and changes us, and our “gift” is helping others through the “darkness.”

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Comment by Julie Ann Finch on June 18, 2012 at 5:02pm

 i had to remove the breathing tube from my dad and he was only 68 years old. but i knew he would not like having a trach in his throat and moved into a nursing home cause his new wife did not want to care for him. he had trouble breathing due to smoking and would have suffered. david they say opposites attract... so looks like it work her calling the shots?

Comment by David H on June 18, 2012 at 4:56pm

these are comforting words.Your automatically in the grief mood,I cannot stop witnessing her dying because I allowed the breathing tube to be removed because of her condition and how it went down hill.No I imagine there is no time limit I imagine she will come back home and raise holly hell about the way I have been running things.It was that way for 35 yrs but I loved her anyway and I wish I could have done something to prevent it all from happending.

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