I lost my friend to melanoma in Oct. He went very fast and the whole time he was in treatment,I didn't believe it. I couldn't believe it,it scared the shit out of me. So I turned to humor and sarcasm to try and cheer him up. I was very close to him but I was close to his partner. Still am,and its not like I hung out with them alot but I was there in hospice when he was dying. He was unconcious and a ghostly shell of a human being.  It was powerful,emotional and beautiful all at the same time. Now,I feel anxious,depressed,numb and always thinking something is about to go wrong. But it's wierd because I read all of these things online about grief to feel that my feelings are normal. But they all say,you can't stop thinking about the deceased,but he doesn't cross my mind. Its just overall feelings. My partner acts like she is suprised that I am down,and worries its other things to do with her. Then again she isnt very emotionally in tuned,because she has lost some very close friends and I think just moved on.But I tend to grieve with anxiety. I have had a rough couple of months at the end of summer otherwise. Maybe its just all grieving,but death is very present. I'm reading the Hunger Games before I go to bed and all thats doing is heightening my anxiety. I dont want to feel this way anymore. Its like the death of my friend isnt even present but I can't think of any other reason why I'd be overanalyzing my relationship with my partner,stressing about work,overanalyzing how I do my work,or at my play. Everything anyone says or does goes right to my analyzing brain and I just can't stop picking everything apart. It's like I'm attacking myself. And I just want to know,is this normal? Is this because of my friend dying or is it something else? I just want answers.