Just stopped in to say hello , mainly because as much as this is the place i wanted to be when i first found it and still want to be in the future i guess right now the grieve the despair im experiance in the last month especially having to have July 12 the day amber would have been 19 and then three days later six months of her being gone was ,is , has been to much for me i log in and read one two sentences i so badly want to help say im sorry for your loss , i know how you feel something i…

I sat here making cards making posters listening to her music all in between horrible , sobbing , and feeling like i cant make it thru this , i had planned this huge memorial at the Hilton hotel then canceled it , then at last minute decided to do a candlelight birthday memorial at sunset beach her favorite place TODAY IS AS BAD AS THE DAY I WAS TOLD MY DAUGHTER WAS DEAD GONE FOREVER ? I have not had a single moments relive of this pain , the loss , the anger , the despair the disbelieve how…

I Cry and grieve that you are Gone yet smile that you once lived....I close my eyes and beg and scream and pray that you come back...I open my eyes and look around and see all that you have left in memory's.....My heart is broken at the thought i will never see you, your smile , or hear your giggles so a life ....My heart is filled with love when i think all we did share. and the beautiful moments and memories you have left with me ....I turn my back on…

i google how to survive the death of my child , and the results are insulting there are none really other then the ones offering to sell you books or the ones offering to sell you God or 20 steps to surving the death of your child the rest of the results are how to save your marriage after the death of your child um i dont know about the rest of the people here i honestly dont give a flying fuck about trying to save a damn thing i barely can save me right now any how my point you put in sex…

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.

when i cry now i cry differently  , i hear my self howl at times and try to quiet myself and my tears are different as in size whats weird and  what worry s me is how or why am i noticing such trivial
 things ? am i losing my mind sure feels like im closer each day to insanity.

Hello everyone (( HUGS )) as per usual im broken and it is not getting better its worse and this time it was not  just  me but Sarah the 14 year old amber's best friend and sister fell apart something she had not done i think she was trying to be strong all she kept saying was it hurts so bad mommy i cant stand it i cant stand it mommy horrible we sat sobbed for hours , and there was nothing i could do to help her other then hold her rock her and say i know mamas i know its OK to cry she was…

If I knew it would be the last time

That I'd see you fall asleep,

I would tuck you in more tightly

and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time

that I see you walk out the door,

I would hold you kiss you hug you and beg you not to go.

If I knew it would be the last time

that i would hear your voice and laughter

I would have video tape every moment every word and every action

If I…