Jason's Blog (5)

More tired, more grief

It seems like I have not been sleeping well. I am physically exhausted but cannot fall asleep. The nights and the mornings are the worst.
Throughout the day now I breakdown more often in tears but I do recover faster.
I am sad and angry all of the time.
I wish she hadn't died.

Added by Jason on March 23, 2016 at 7:23am — 1 Comment

The sad and the guilt

The sad and the guilt are hitting me hard last night and today.
I am so sad she is not alive.
I feel guilty that I could not save her.
She was my wife. She was my responsibility.
I should have taken better care of her.

Added by Jason on March 20, 2016 at 7:47am — No Comments

Listening to music

Hadn't been able to listen to music until tonight.
It didn't destroy me the way I thought it would.
The memories come flooding back but I didn't break down like I thought I would.
Am I in shock?
Am I numb?
Is something wrong with me?
Or is this part of the grief.
My heart feels like it has a chunk missing now. But it no longer feels like there is a knife sticking out of it.

Added by Jason on March 18, 2016 at 12:50am — 2 Comments

Day 20

Well, it happened. After only 20 days both kids are sick. Great. They weren't letting me get any sleep before. Now I'm up half the night with sick kids.

I don't know if I have the stamina. I am so tired.

I am having problems accepting what has happened. I imagine the kids are too.

What a living nightmare.

Added by Jason on March 17, 2016 at 1:26am — No Comments

Tough day

As the Saturday Memorial Mass approaches everyone is getting more on edge.
Had exhaustion, guilt, panic attack, and fun with kids.
Very tired.

Added by Jason on March 8, 2016 at 7:21pm — No Comments

Latest Activity

Gary Ruby is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Julie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 5
Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
dream moon JO B updated their profile
Oct 16
Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10
Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
Sep 26
Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
Thumbnail

It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service