I still have no idea why I've been feeling so unwell, and today makes day 5

I haven't been feeling well these past couple of days. My ears hurt, my head hurts, and I have been so nauseated.

I got a laptop the other day, and in setting it up, I was able to save my "bookmarks" on my browser toolbar. And OGS, Online Grief Support is #1.

I've been so wrapped up in Steven and the love we have for each other that, I forgot to do an entry, yesterday.

I'm in a somber mood, tonight. I really don't even want to do my journal entry, but I have been doing better with getting an entry done on a daily basis, and I don't want to fall out of the habit just because my heart hurts.

My ex brother-in-law was admitted to the hospital last night for smoke inhalation. They were saying that they didn't know if he was going to make it at one point. His trailer caught fire,…

Unfornately, my big sister Deann has passed away. The details of what happened are pretty graphic, however, I need to share because until her family chooses to tell others, I'm not going to disrespect them by telling Facebook.

Thing is, I have to talk about what happened to Deann. What happened to her could have very well have happened to me last February. Okay, this is what happened. Before I tell y'all anything about what I know, I'm…

More tragic news: it's becoming very apparent that someone I've looked at as a big sister for the last 10 years has passed away. Deann Marie Clark is her name.

What happened? 

I don't know because I'm in Pasadena and she had moved with Bruce to Dayton, Texas a couple years ago. I'm just finding out that she passed away through people who are saying…

Since the day Jeremy passed away, (especially that first year) I found myself speaking in metaphors; I don't do it as much as I was, and I gotta guess that's a good thing. 

What do I mean when I say that I've been speaking in metaphors? 

It's easier just to give an example of one of the many things I used to say. Like when I was attacked by 3 dogs on…

The weather here in Pasadena,TX is getting warmer. Steven and I spent the majority of 2 days without lights. The power grid wasn't designed for the cold, when it was built. The last time the temperature got into the teens was the late 1800s. 

So, we've faired the weather without a scratch. Y'all have a great day. 

I've lived in the Houston and surrounding area for over 25 years. We've had our "snow" days. Last time was in late '08, and early '09. 

Yesterday, February 14, 2021, Valentine's Day started some of the worst winter weather for the area that has ever been recorded. Right now, the power has been out for less than 30…

Am I supposed to be "used to" my husband not being here for our 18th Valentine's Day? Because I gotta tell ya, I'm not. For the past two days, I have felt extremely insecure, very inadequate, and on the verge of tears. Even though Jeremy and I really didn't celebrate Valentine's Day for years, I still got at least 1 rose. Sometimes, I would also get dinner, but it wasn't a big deal if I didn't. …

Since April 9, 2019, I have told people that I've met to please bear with me when I'm talking because it's as though I have an impairment in my speech or it's like I'm studdering. I was not born with any speech issues, and I have never studdered. Until that day. 

I've been referring to this as a major disconnect between my brain and my mouth. Quite honestly, this is how I feel:…

I've noticed that it's becoming easier to live without you. Although, I will always love you and miss you and I will think of you often, my life is getting easier the less I talk about you. In the beginning, there was no way I could ever fathom not talking about you or to you. It's coming up to the 2 year mark since I lost you, and I have come to realize that talking about you isn't as important to me now as it was the first…

I'm not good at this. I know the point of journal writing is to do at least one entry, but I tend to forget.

I have been trying to post my journal entries around the same time every day, but I'm running behind today because I didn't get up until after 3PM. WOW! That's not like me at all. I guess I needed the rest. Anyway, because I'm not experiencing the day until now, I will post how my day went later. Probably at a time when others are still sleeping or getting off work on the graveyard shift.

Tomorrow, my nieces Zada and Jessica will be 6 years old. I couldn't believe they were already in school, last year. Time flies. I just got a pic from their mom's Facebook account, and I'll be posting them, too.

I missed posting on my journal yesterday, because tomorrow is 2 years since Dad passed, and I have been distracting myself with writing on my gypsy series. 

I've been posting my journal entries early in the morning so that I don't forget to make them on a daily basis. Even though I have made the entry today, with this one, I almost forgot to make this one.

You will be gone for 2 years, in just a few short days. It's times like these I really wish you were still here. I miss you so much. Even though it took us a long time to get our relationship in a good place, we finally did; and I'm glad that the last time I saw you, we made things even better for our father daughter bond. 

I've got to tell you that when I heard that you…

Why do I always fall apart?

I can go for weeks without taking about you, but then I'll have a memory, one I haven't thought about in years, and the years begin to flow. I feel like I have taken a few steps backwards when I fall apart because of a memory. 

I guess the reason for the falling apart comes from the fact that people have made me feel like the only way I will ever get to where I can move…