One year and one month since my wife Jami passed. I can remember for about 9 months how I looked forward to nightime and going to sleep. At first it was the exhaustion from grief, but it changed to the desire to dream. Was never afraid of bad dreams. Even now the desire to dream is still there. We dream even when we're awake! Imagine that! Call it day dreaming if you want. The amazing thing is the dreams of both my wife Jami and my Mom have helped me to heal. So much is yet to be learned about…
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Added by MIchael A Ballard on May 9, 2012 at 12:19am —
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Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway. John Wayne
Added by MIchael A Ballard on April 15, 2012 at 10:21pm —
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Finally on my way to yes, I bump into all the places where I said no to my life. All of the untended wounds, the red and purple scars. Those hieroglyphs of pain carved into my skin, my bones. Those coded messages that send me down the wrong street again and again. Where I find them...the old wounds, the old misdirections. And I lift them one by one, close to my heart and I say, holy holy. -- Pesla Joyce Gertler
Added by MIchael A Ballard on February 29, 2012 at 1:36am —
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We feel pain and are more than overwhelmed and powerless from heartache when we lose them. They are at peace and no longer have the need to feel earthly pain. We sometimes feel uplifted and may smile or laugh a little when we remember funny things about them. We recall how much they loved us and may have told us to go on with our lives if something ever happened to them. We eventually find a little relief from our pain. They no longer have the need for pain. Only peace and love for us because…
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Added by MIchael A Ballard on February 17, 2012 at 10:17pm —
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"The word 'happiness' would lose it's meaning if it were not balanced by sadness." "Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." Carl Gustov Jung
Added by MIchael A Ballard on February 16, 2012 at 9:04pm —
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There is grief, and all of us on here knows what that is. We have our own little day to day triumphs over our tragedy of grief. What we are and who we are can really get set in a dark corner. Grief is the ultimate teacher in our lives. Of course it rips us and tears us to shreds. But what are we? In my experience, I'm a student in the school of grief. Who are we? We are feelers, thinkers, learners, re-learners, lovers, teachers, believers, givers, helpers, healers, dreamers, hopers, sleepers…
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Added by MIchael A Ballard on February 14, 2012 at 2:04am —
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Valentines is tough without the love of my life. I remember our days full of the outdoors. Picnics at lakes, the warm breezes, sitting and talking, watching the birds and the sunglare kissing the waters. Her open laughter and giggles that would make a roomful of people laugh. Watching the sunset and it's magical and soothing colors. The night would fall and there we were, in each others arms, just us and the stars in the sky, shooting stars, moonglow. So many days and nights like these in our…
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Added by MIchael A Ballard on February 14, 2012 at 12:22am —
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Hi to all of my OLGS friends. Grief is a long road. I have been doing a lot of reading on how our thoughts trigger brain chemicals which influence our physical feeling and emotional balance. Very amazing stuff. We all grieve differently but we all have the same general bio-processes. Grief is such a threat to our survival. I dont know if we truly recover, or more we learn to incorporate our loss into strength, coping, and remembering with love. I've been told by many people over the years the…
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Added by MIchael A Ballard on February 9, 2012 at 8:40pm —
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Did you ever stop to think that our grief has a meaning. A hidden meaning, like a type of puzzle that has some missing pieces, or if not missing, they're invisible to us. And all of the pain, suffering and guilt are the pieces that we have to manage to put together. And along this path we start seeing flashes.of hope while conquering some of our fears, then we see more pieces through our teary eyes, we know we have to complete the mission. Just when I seemed to recover from the holidays,…
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Added by MIchael A Ballard on February 8, 2012 at 10:30pm —
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In case cyberspace is a connection to wherever you are, happy anniversary to my wife Jami! Love Michael
Added by MIchael A Ballard on February 8, 2012 at 6:49pm —
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I'm constantly asking myself the question "Who's in charge here?" Is it me or grief? Grief can be so overpowering with it's impact on our feelings, that it has the ability to do our thinking for us. I know that we all grieve differently. Just want to share some things with you all that have helped me along the treacherous road of grief. Was looking at some of my early journal writings and I noticed that I was always looking for a way of thinking around the grief. I noticed that my intention was…
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Added by MIchael A Ballard on February 2, 2012 at 9:30pm —
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Expect your every need to be met. Expect the answer to every problem, expect abundance on every level. - Eileen Caddy
Added by MIchael A Ballard on January 31, 2012 at 10:22pm —
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My son who is 8 years old now gets to come to my place of work some weekends. I work Security and part of my job is to view security monitors. Today he asked me, "Daddy, can we put a video camera on the roof and catch Santa coming down the chimney?" "I want to see if he really has reindeer and a sleigh!"
He was so serious when asking me this. I had to turn away to put on a straight face and I turned back to face him and said, "Nicki boy, people only see him at the mall, and by…
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Added by MIchael A Ballard on December 21, 2011 at 1:00am —
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- NewsBreak -
This just in............A message from the National Institute of Happiness.
It reads, and I quote......"Grief Sucks!"
Added by MIchael A Ballard on December 19, 2011 at 11:39pm —
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"When you go through the tumbler of life, you come out crushed or polished."
-- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (1981)
Added by MIchael A Ballard on December 6, 2011 at 7:48pm —
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Winter's so decorative and colorful.
The frost designs on the house windows.
Branches of trees and bushes coated in white.
Icicles dripping water from the sun's warmth.
Christmas lights in various colors almost appear psychedelic at night.
You get so cold your skin changes colors.
And your dogs color your snow covered lawn in yellow.
- Michael
Added by MIchael A Ballard on December 6, 2011 at 12:32pm —
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Today it snowed here in Omaha, I was walking on a snow covered asphalt trail, and when I stopped to look behind me, I saw about 100 or so of my footprints...I thought, those are in the past. I looked down at my feet and then along the path ahead of me, and it was pure white, no prints at all. That path, that pure one is the now and future, the one behind me is the past, I said to myself. So, i just kept on going, thinking about how far I have come from bad grief and into better grief. We…
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Added by MIchael A Ballard on December 4, 2011 at 1:28am —
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All Things Must Pass by George Harrison
Sunrise doesn't last all morning
A cloudburst doesn't last all day
Seems love is up and has left you with no warning
Its not always going to be this grey
All things must pass
All things must pass away
Sunset doesn't last all evening
A mind can blow those clouds away
After all this,my love is up and must be leaving
Its not…
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Added by MIchael A Ballard on November 29, 2011 at 11:50pm —
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Listen to nature and your heart!.
Healing isn't far away.........
Michael
Added by MIchael A Ballard on November 29, 2011 at 8:47pm —
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We are only human. That's what I resort to when things get rough.
I give myself a break for being human, having grief, ups and downs, and just about anything else!
I figure if I didn't have these weaknesses I might as well wear a red cape and fly around and rescue people from criminals and other misfits!
And being only human is a real tiny thing compared to the universe and especially beyond that!
It's astounding how a bad thing like grief feels so huge,…
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Added by MIchael A Ballard on November 24, 2011 at 12:39am —
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