His footprints were tiny,

but they were here.

Then in the blink

of an eye,

they floated to the sky.

I really miss her.  I feel like I died right along with her.  We were only together for a short while, but it seemed like a lifetime.  She was only 33 and died of cancer.  I was with her until the very end, and I keep thinking of all the things I should've said, I kept thinking that she was going to come out of this and everything would be back to normal again.  But she didn't.  I keep wishing that I could have talked to her one more time when she was conscious, to tell her how much love she…

You bought me this at our church bookstore just over a year before you could leave me. Today I keep it with me and wonder why these words seem like you were saying goodbye to me. 

Steady your steps with faith,

set your eyes on hope,

and remember the important thing is to move.

Let your heart lead you forward 

let your dreams keep you going.

And if you get weary or discouraged

if you feel lonely, remember this:

Life is your…

I could just slap you right now. 40 years in prison. You spent 40 years in prison. I spent a lifetime waiting on you. I know where you were. Was it worth it?

In 1957, 2 months before I was born, you moved to this state. That's never been lost on me. We were married the day I was born; you were here 2 months before I arrived.

I always knew I was waiting for something special. Something real. And I ended up waiting for 50 long, grueling years.

When…

My husband bought me a scroll with this poem on it I just wanted to share with everyone it does not take the pain away but it does help for a little while at least it does for me.

Miss Me, But Let Me Go.

When I come to the end of the road,

And the sun has set for me,

I want no rites in gloom-filled rooms,

Why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little--but not too long,

And not with your head bowed low;

Remember the love that we once shared

Miss…

Dear Mom, It's one of those nights/mornings.  I fell asleep very tired and in about 2 hours I woke up wide awake.  So here I am with the TV running in the background and my mind bouncing all over the place.  I hate this time of the late night.  It takes me back a few months ago sitting by your bed watching you breath and worrying.   Back then I wondered privately what it would be like once you were gone.  Well, I have my answer.  It's still pure hell.   I'm eating ant acid tablets like candy…

"Sometimes I see you standing there Sometimes I feel an angel’s touch Sometimes I feel that I’m so lucky to have had the chance to love this much God gave me a moment’s grace Cause if I’d never seen your face I probably wouldn’t be this way"

This sucks. I hate being in this place in my life. Today, anger came out. Your friend Petey has been here every day for a week. Often, more than once a day. Wanting to work for a little cash. Wanting a ride here or there. Wanting to use a phone. He's a nice enough guy - but enough already. I told him that he can come by - just not every day. 

Of course, he showed up again after that. Your dog had gotten loose. Where did she go? Why, she ended up over at Petey's, of course. So…

"I miss your soft lips I miss your white sheets I miss the scratch of your unshaved face on my cheek And this is so hard ‘cuz I didn’t see That you were the love of my life and it kills me I see your face in strangers on the street I still say your name when I’m talking in my sleep And in the limelight, I play it off fine But I can’t handle it when I turn off my night light"

Hi...can someone tell me something that will get me out of this miserable state of emotions...no one understands me...I only have a brother who has his family to take care of...I'm without parents, grandparents and/or spouse...my friends just tell me to think positive but its not that easy...going to work and school is just an act that I put on cuz I am really brocken up inside...

I heard your lame jokes that one day..and found them so very interesting...

I saw your smile few days later...and just loved it..

I saw you looking at me in the crowd...and the feeling was indescribable...

I didn't realise when I had fallen for you amidst adoring you..

Didn't realise when keeping you happy got the highest priority in my life and when I started dying just to be friends with you..

And yes,life had given me then what I wanted...we started…

    ♥  it’s you I want to kiss.

    ♥  the left side is still your side of the bed.

    ♥  your toothbrush is still in the holder. 

    ♥  your razor is in the shower.

    ♥  your clothes are still everywhere.

    ♥  I imagine myself in a white dress, it’s you I’m walking towards to.

    ♥  I dream about being pregnant, it’s you kissing and rubbing my belly.

    ♥  I wanted to say he has his daddy’s eyes.    

    ♥  the last thing you told me…

Febuary 13, 2012

Someone told me the other night I had to realize that I couldn’t hide from the living world or the ghosts would finally get me. But isn’t that what I’m wishing for? To be able to hear you say “I’ll never let anything bad happen to you”, to see your brown eyes and smile, to smell your cologne or even your stinking shoes, and to feel you holding me just one more time, no matter how much it seizes me from this life without you in the process?

It’s…

The Lord saw you getting tired

And a cure was not to be,

So He put his arms around you

And whispered, "Come with me."

With tearful eyes we watched you suffer

And slowly fade away

Although we loved you dearly,

We could not make you stay.

A golden heart stopped beating,

A beautiful smile at rest,

God broke our hearts to prove

He only takes the best.

It's lonesome here without you

We miss you every day,

Our lives aren't…

There can't be a God.  If there is I'm convinced he's one lazy sick egotistical entity that just doesn't give a damn.  I miss you so much it feels like someone took a butcher knife and gutted me.  I cannot believe the journey we took and how horrific things turned out.  I will feel forever blessed to have been chosen your son.  It was unique to say the least but to me it was profoundly normal.  I never knew any other life.   I can still see all my friends when I was little asking if they…

My parents were in a Managed Care Program where they went to a program during the day and their medical care was included.  The patient bill of rights stated that they were still to be given the proper specialist and emergency care.  

My dad suffered a stroke on March 22, 2011.  He was taken to the ER and the doctor from the above program immediately called me (before I could even make it to the hospital!) and told me that he was going to be transferred to a nursing home so…

For the past 11 months, I have been avoiding all that reminds me of my "new" reality. Avoiding, outings, family reunions, friends, events etc. Because that reality check up, hurts to much, creates anxiety, loneliness, frustration, anger, hate, you name it. The reality that I cannot change, the reality that my husband or daddy are no longer here with me.

However, there are times that I cannot control reality from punching me in the stomach. obstacles that trigger reality without me…

Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there; I did not die.