I am new in this community and lost my partner of 17 years to tuberculosis a year ago. Tody the greif has been so bad I have been in bed most of the day. Some days I just can not get up. I barly make it to the shop to buy food for dinner.

I am totally alone without friends or family or associates.

I have been living in Mexico for 10 years and landed back in Australia and am currently in a deserted rural town.

I plan to move on as soon as I can into a better place for…

Flourish in Grief

Plant the seed of pain in faith

Water your grief with memories

Heal the heart with Sunshine

Oxygen the tears to…

today my older sister called and it was another big fight, now in a few days I have fought with both my sisters, they are telling me to stop crying get on with life. there upset that I have made no time to get to know there grandkids. I cant believe  its all about them, all I have ever wanted was for them to stop cutting me off when I talk about shawn. and everything blew up. I just cant  do this any more I cant. I have never been so tired, so hurt by my sisters. I just want so bad to go…

this morning my cousin came over for a visit. we sat on the veranda and talked for 2 hours about shawn. it was nice. I tried hard to hold back my tears , some slipped out. she understands my  unbearable pain, and knows why I just don't smile any more.  then I went to see my baby, I cryed so hard  telling him about my morning. how I miss and love him so very very much. I told him I need to feel him more, to please help me. I know hes here and I know he will help me through this.  I need him…

my eyes hurt so bad, if this is living I don't want it any more. I hurt all over and im so tired. my brother was here today, ask me if ill ever smile again, he misses it. I said no theres nothing to smile for. I can see the pain in his eyes when he looks at me, it takes everything I have not to cry. he took out beautiful flowers to shawn and my heart  just broke, I can see hes hiding the tears for me. its getting harder and harder to go on every day, I am trying but I just keep crying, I…

Havent been on in awhile, but I have read the post.

I have been working on my anger with my husband and it is getting better.

I go to grief counseling with my church and it helps a lot.

it has been 2 yrs and 7 months now and it feels like yesterday.

The evenings are  the worst, very lonely.

I try to keep busy during the day.

The friends that stay in touch, try to help, and I am grateful for that.

Its is good to know that all of you have the…

 this last year has been a roller coaster of emotions of every kind

My mother has had a few health problems…

They still haven't got the results of the autopsy so we can find out what actually happened that night, or at least have a few answers about what happened to you. Grandma called the coroner's office, and they've never even heard your name. How can two months have passed without any information being at that office? She's been cremated and in her pine box on her vanity for nearly seven weeks and there's nothing.

I know hearing what happened will never make me feel better about…

today I went for a small boat ride with my cousin her husband and mine. I thought it would be nice to get out but I was so wrong. I wanted to scream, and cry, all I could think about was my shawn, I knew he would have liked it.  I prayed he was with me. I tried to smile but it was to hard, I just wanted to go to bed and cry. my only dream is to be with my son, I miss him so much love him more then I can say.    love you forever shawn   mom

I was thinking today of what it will be like when I get married, not having you there to see me walk down the aisle, or meet my kids. And I'm hoping Grandma will let me sew a piece of your jewelry into my dress near my heart so I can have you with me. I may not get to see your beaming, beautiful smile on my wedding day, but I will have a piece of you there with me.

I think of all these things you will miss, not just in my life, but the lives of your boys. And I hope all of us…

Today you've been gone for two months. Two months, sixty one days. I got up and went to the office, the business you built from the ground up, and started my cleaning early, before anyone else got there. The day went mostly alright, until Grandma called the Coroner's Office and they had no record of your name.

More waiting for an answer about how you went to sleep and just never woke up. And all the people. They all want to come in and talk about you, ask how we're doing. Most…

On June 5, 2014 I lost the woman who became a mother to me, a choice I made by heart alone. She was amazing. I dated her youngest for four years, and remained close with him until she died. When we had split, she told him she was keeping me and he would have to be okay with that. And then she hired me on part time at the business she had started with her mother the year before. I had even helped her edit her business…

shawn its been so hard without you. there are times I know you are here, but I still feel so very alone. how do I go on? I cry so hard and long everyday. god how I miss you, I miss the things you use to do, I miss going out with you, and cooking you a dinner, sat and sun I miss picking you up from work. hearing your voice and I want so bad to hear I love you mom. I need to dream of you but I don't, im so afraid you wont come home but I tell myself you will, when god fixes your beautiful…

i lost the love of my life 4 years ago this coming monday and i lost my mom 5 months ago on the same date. here is the story with diana i met her at her job and it was love at first sight and from that day i knew i found the one who i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. at the time she was going though some major health issues but i was there for her and it took time but we got married and we had the time of our lives because we were together .we had some issues we had to deal with but…

i lost the love of my life 4 years ago this coming monday and i lost my mom 5 months ago on the same date. here is the story with diana i met her at her job and it was love at first sight and from that day i knew i found the one who i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. at the time she was going though some major health issues but i was there for her and it took time but we got married and we had the time of our lives because we were together .we had some issues we had to deal with but…

Today has been a good day, as far as I can measure them lately. I made it through work without having to excuse myself at any point. That was a good day, I suppose.

I've really been thinking a lot about how I've been managing my grief (not very well) and what Craig would think of it. I'm 100% positive he would not want any of his family to be despondent or to be as grieved as we all are. He was such an upbeat and positive person. Nothing was gonna get him down, if you had…

everyday it hurts so bad,  I keep asking why? and I get no answers. I miss you more then life and I have never felt so much pain in my heart. I cry so much I can hardly see, my eyes are so swollen, I wonder where they come from. I keep telling my self when your beautiful heart is better you will come back to me, without that wishing I have nothing to live for. I would sell my soul if I could have one more day with you, to hold you see you hear your voice again, to hear mom again and to say…

Last night after I wrote my initial entry, I sat here and stared at the screen wondering when this was supposed to start helping me. I chatted with a couple of other members who were very nice and welcoming and then I just felt exhausted. I decided to drag my rump to bed hoping that I would finally sleep through an entire night as dog tired as I was. And then my mom called my cell phone. She asked if I wanted a present. Confused, I asked her what she was talking about. She said she was…