It's amazing that I don't think I am going crazy.  Saw a butterfly shadow today on the pavement of the parking lot when walking to my car to go to lunch from work. It was about a minute later, after looking around 6-10 different times for the butterfly that I finally spotted a monarch butterfly just when I didn't expect to ever see more than the shadow.

It was just weird in a fun kind of way!  My wife Jami was a lot like that.  That just never happened to me before.

The shadow…

Grieving response is about coming to terms with, and possibly learning from, the brokenness and sorrow that come over us. Grieving response is about relearning how to be ourselves and to live meaningfully again, carrying the pain of missing those we mourn, returning to what still works from life as it used to be, and stretching into the necessarily new shapes of our daily lives and futures. It is also often about personal growth, living in fuller appreciation of what we previously took for…

Life is the classroom

Grief is the final exam

How we turn out depends on what we've learned

- Michael Ballard

"If grief was as easy as pie, then life would be a piece of cake."

 --   M Ballard

"I want people to understand that life is everlasting.  Everything that happens in your life has a purpose.  There is no one you are close to who ever dies.  Everyone just goes on to another stage of life that runs parallel to this one.  Be at peace with yourself and fulfill your mission, knowing that your stay here is temporary, and that your are doing something here to fulfill your spiritual purpose.  Tune in more to yourself  and understand more within yourself so that you can find your…

I was watching a bird yesterday.  He was on the pavement at a Bucky's store parking lot looking for scraps to eat.  

The poor thing had one leg up in his belly feathers, and was doing really well hopping around on

the one good leg.  I must have watched him for around ten minutes.

It struck me, this bird can fly away anytime, and be free of having only one useful leg. 

Then I thought about my grief, how it has attempted to disable me, depress me, and deprive…

G - igantic

R - edundant

 I  - ntense

E - xhaustive

F - eeling

My goal for us all is to make it a good week!!  Let's all do it together!

It's great to have you all to be in touch with!  Don't you wish time would hurry so the grief could lift.

Time goes fast, but with grief it seems so slow.

Thank you all, you all inspire me and help me to get motivated.

Michael

We are not here to suffer, we were not put here to suffer, so let the light shine in and shine on you and your families and your lives!   I believe our loved ones are in the sunshine, in the rain, in the air, and just basically in nature.  They have become a greater and more beautiful part of this world, part of us all!

Life is a continuous process...it never ends!

And Psssst...I'll let you in on a little secret!  They stop by in your dreams, speak to you, caress you, and out…

I live each day with you in my heart

and you're always on my mind

All of my happy thoughts of you

Help to lighten up the grind

I look at grief, then I look at you

and can see it's not so bad

This grief doesn't even measure up

to all the good times we had

I keep a big umbrella

It opens up like wings

They fly me to a far away place

Where I can see all things

I close my eyes and see a light

That makes me…

Our little boy Nicholas, sleeping beside mommy

Was just waking up to play

You couldn't wake your mommy up you said

On that very dreadful day

You were with her alone at home

A debt no child should have to pay

I wish that I could have been there

before they carried your mommy away

Every morning now when he gets up

he has the same words to say

"Dad, I know you miss mom, I miss her too,

but it will be okay!"

This…

All You Need Is Love

The Beatles

Lennon/McCartney

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.

Nothing you can sing that can't be sung. 

Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play

the game It's easy. 

There's nothing you can make that can't be made.

 No one you can save that can't be saved. 

Nothing you can do but you can learn…

I had a dream last night of my wife Jami.  She was lying beside me and she was all in white.

She said something about she was able to spend a little time with me.  Her face was very pure and vivid, and she was dressed in white (or just glowed in white).  

Some of her words she spoke of were that she will always love Nicki and me and everything will be alright.

Holding her,kissing her and smelling her perfume were also obvious during and after the dream.

I remember…

I was overcome today with anger about my wife's passing.

A lot of it has to do with her Doctors.  I know it is easy to blame the doctors, and I have been told that nobody makes them take anything or put a pill in their mouth except the person taking it.  

Now hold on just a minute, because if it wasn't for the doctors just laying script after script out for her, plus bags and boxes of samples, maybe she would still be here today.

Can't some of these types of doctors get…

Just wanted everyone on here to know that I am thinking about you all.  

Was doing some research on death rates, based on 1 out of every 113 people in the world that died last year, there is 1.78 deaths per second, 107 deaths per minute, 6,390 deaths per hour, 153,000 deaths per day, 56.0 million deaths per year, 3.9 billion deaths per average lifetime (70 years).

I was amazed, had no idea, every second someone dies?  I always heard this but never verified it!

Just when…

It was back to school for Nicholas today, just starting 2nd grade.  I had so much built up anxiety about this day.

Not about him returning to school, but more of what was I going to do with myself.

We got to spend the entire summer together, since I work evenings, we had each and everyday to do whatever we

wanted to do.

So, after I took him to school, I went out job hunting to find a job with a 40 hour workweek.  I know, good luck with that huh?  

Later, I…

"We are, each of us, Angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another."

               - Luciano de Crescento