this pain will never end, I cry so much, I hurt so bad. I told my husband tonight to let me go. I just cant keep hurting so much.  I want to be with my son, and I know shawn needs me to. all these pills im on do nothing,  my life is just tears, pain, sadness. im ready to go, I want to go.  dear god let me be with my son, stop this hell I live in please. im so lonely please 

 for 2016 I wished with all my heart to be with my son, im so lonely and tired, I cry all the time, I just want so much to be happy once more,  and that will only happen when im holding my shawn again. please god stop my suffering my pain and take me to my baby. I want so very much to die, please hear and answer my prayes please. I have nothing let, I feel nothing but pain,  I just want to go now im ready, please answer me.

 today I let 3 balloons go, red my sons fav colour, x mas one and one that said I love you always and forever. I do it every x mas and his birthday. I know in my heart he got them, I watched them till I could not see them anymore.  I have cryed all day , please make this day end, I love you shawn forever,  mom

tonight I was sitting with my husband talking, when he told me our friends don't come around here anymore it was because of me, I was depressing. hating x mas and everything to do with it. that hurt me a lot, I cryed and went to my room,  I just don't feel he understands, he wants everything to go back to the way it was, THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN, I told him to just go, leave me alone.  shawns the love of my life and hes all I need. I pray to him to take me home, to hold me and never let me…

I cant stop crying, to know  x mas will soon be here, and you wont., my depression is getting worse, I passed out the other night, for the first time. I just miss you so much and need  you so very bad. I hope  every night you hear me, im  so  proud of you and proud to be your mom forever.with out  you shawn there is no x mas and there never will be.  there will be no laughter, or smiles.  just emptiness here and in my heart. I pray to be with you, and hope its soon.  I cant live without you…

today after seeing my son, I went to the store with my husband to pick up a few things, I never go any more but I thought I would this time. it was the first time someone said merry Christmas to me. I felt my eyes tear up, my heart felt like it stopped. I could not even look  her in the face and I ran out of the store. im not going out again till this crap is over.  how can people say that when she looked  at my face seen my swollen eyes, I never smile, just pain .  please let these holidays…

im so sick and tired of this x mas shit all ready. it hurts so much to see  it all and everyone talking about it . I just want it to be over. I stay in my room all the time so I don't have to see the lights, I don't go out so I don't have to see  people so dam happy.  my eyes fill up so fast, my tears still fall all the time.  its not a happy time any more just so pain full, I wish it was over, I wish I was with shawn,  I beg my son to please  take me home, take me out of this hell I live…

god please help me through another dam holiday.  lights every where and I just cry, people shopping and I just cry. x mas shows on t v and again I just cry. how do I get through another x mas with out my son,  to fee so alone so broken and empty.  everyone says im so full of hate, I know I am but theres nothing I can do , its how I feel. everyone says to go out, im getting fed up with hearing it.  my tears fall so easy, so fast.  my heart is dead and will be forever.  if they would just try…

all the stores are getting ready for x mas, god how I hate it. I just don't go out any more. I hate seeing people so happy, I just want to scream. I can feel my tears start falling when im out.  most of the time I just stay im my room, crying wishing I was with my shawn. missing my son so bad. dear god don't make me go through another x mas please.  I just want to be with him, im so ready to go. I feel no one can help me, no one cares my family wont talk to me, my friends are gone, my  son…

dear god I prayed the fifth would never come.  how can it be 2 years when I remember it like yesterday. I cry everyday, I pray you will come back to me. this hell im living in cant go on much  longer, I miss you so very much and need so bad to hear your voice once more. how can this be  happening how? I want so much to be with you, to hold my baby again. shawn my life is over please take my hand, take me home with you. im so alone, empty. why wont god take me to you, why is he making me…

today is hollween, my husband ask me to help him give out candy, I told him no. I just don't care any more. I would rather just turn the lights out and stay in bed. I feel im just to tired to care. I need shawn here, I miss him so bad, I still pray to die, and all I do is cry.  nothing matters anymore nothing.

 my  beautiful son shawn, soon nov 5 will be here and I just don't think I can take it. I want to see you, feel you and hold you forever. I want to hear your voice,  oh god I would give my life in a min to hear you say mom again.  im told im in a deep depression, pills pills pills and nothings helping. I beg you everyday to take me home with you,  please don't leave me here in hell alone empty, such a dark place to be in.  pain like I have never felt before each and everyday.  I miss you so…

 my beautiful son shawn, my health is getting worse, I had a lot of tests done out of town. I pray every night  ill be with you very soon. I stopped careing about everything but you.  I cry all the time, and I stay in my room a lot. im just waiting for you to take me home. please shawn I hurt so much I just cant take any more pain,  im ready baby take my hand. I love you always and forever and I miss you so much   love  mom

today my doctor and grieving counceiler both came today at the same time. 23 months today and all I can do is cry. I have a frozen shoulder and torn muscel in my arm. she also put me on more pills to help me sleep and deal with my depression, up to 9 now at night and 5 in the morning. I miss shawn so much, its just to hard and pain full to keep going on, day after day the pain is still there and nothng will ever help. thanks giving is sunday and I picked a few things up for shawn then I…

please god don't let nov 5 come, I cant go through another year, please stop my pain my tears and take me to my son.  my tears will never stop, my heart will never heal. and god im so very very lonely. shawn please  grab my hand baby im ready, I promise you im so very ready to go home with you. I hurt so bad, I have nothing left now. hear me shawn please hear me   I love you always and forever   mom

oh god how I miss you, my tears never stop. I want so much to hold you in my arms. I want more to be with you.  my beautiful son  im waiting to go home with you. im not afraid, im so ready. I love you always and forever  mom

I pray and wish every night my heart would stop, to take away my pain. so I can be with you and be happy again, please shawn hear my crys  I love you always and forever   mom

my heart hurts so bad, tears tears tears, every day. I miss my son so much, what gave him the right to go without me? why did he leave me here alone? and how long must I stay here without him.  oh god how it hurts, I need to be with shawn, I need to hold my baby.  I don't want to live any morei want my shawn,

I prayed so hard that  Friday would not come, my b day without you is so very hard, alice my counceller said you are here and I know you will be. I know what you will be saying to me to make me laugh, but my tears still fall, my heart still broken, we don't celebrate anything any more without you, its just so hard to not hear you say  you love me, to say mom, I know in my heart you are here helping me, please help me get through tomorrow, and help  me to feel you here.  always and forever…

most of the time it hurts to breathe, to go on without my son. where do all my tears come from, I cry so much, I hurt so bad. I beg and beg you to take me to my son, but im left here to suffer so bad so much. I know in my heart ill be with  you soon, im so lonely without my shawn.  so very very broken,