another year without you, today is your birthday, I feel so empty without you, my beautiful son how I miss you, I cry everyday, I pray everyday to be with you. I now mom will give you a wonderfull party, but I want nothing more than to die.  have a beautifull birthday to my special son, I love you always and forever   mom .

 shawn I miss you so bad, I cry all the time, my depression is worse, god how I pray every night to die, to hold you again.   I love you always and forever   mom

the holidays are so close, and I hate them so much any more. I pray every night to go with you, shawn im so broken, theres not a day or night I don't cry, and ask god why he took my son, my baby. and why he has not come for me. I know you are here with me, I feel you every day, but I need so much to hold you, please baby come for me, I cant live with this unbearable pain , I don't want to live, please help me to die,  im so lonely,  I love you always and forever, you are the love of my…

how can it be 3 years today, it feels like yesterday. my tears still fall everyday. I love and miss you so very much. I need you  shawn I always have. im so dead inside, so empty and dark. my life is over, im waiting for you to come get me, please hurry I cant go on much longer. always and forever   mom

how can it be 3 years on Saturday? it feels like yesterday when you went away. my beautiful son shawn. I miss you so bad . you are and always will be the love of my life forever. my depression is getting worse, I pray each night to die, to hold you forever. to hear your voice and to hear  MOM I LOVE YOU  again.  I tried to be with you but it did not work. I wont give up shawn, im coming home with you. my life is over the day you went away. im ready ,  I don't want to suffer any more, I don't…

shawn please come get me, take me from this hell I now live in, this deep dark hole I cant get out of, without you theres nothing left, im so empty, lonely. I need to hold you, I need to hear your voice, I love you always and forever,   mom

shawn my beautiful son, it feels like a life time since I heard your voice , seen your smile heard your laughter. please shawn come to my dreams, let me know you are happy and with grandma, let me know you are still here with me, my tears sting my hearts broken.  take my hand shawn I want to go with you please baby please. I need you always and forever I love you  mom

everyday and night I ask shawn why he left me here alone, why did god not give you a second chance, I never get an answer. I don't want to be here anymore, not without my son. this pain never stops, never ends, to live like this is not living, I want to smile, laugh and I never will till im with him, god please make it soon, all I do is cry, hurt like I have never hurt before. why baby did you leave me, I need you always have always will. I keep waiting for you to come home, come back to me…

I pray everyday you can see your garden, it looks so pretty. with the solar lights to bring you to me. I need my son so much and miss him with all my heart. I want more than anything to be with you, life with out you is no life, im so dead inside, empty and very lonely. my tears still fall all the time, I miss  you shawn  I beg god every night to take me to you, soon I will hold you again, and never let you go.  love you always and forever    mom

to even try to go on without my son, will never ever happen, the life as I knew it is over, ill never be the same  person, my tears never stop, my heart hurts more and more everyday. I pray he hears me, and comes get me, because that's all I want is to die. to end this pain, this loneliness, emptiness in my heart. I know hes here watching over me, trying so hard to help me, but nothing will help me anymore. im ready im not afraid. if there is a god take me now, save a child take me please…

today I went to see you twice, I need that, I know in my heart you knew I was there. when summer comes I hope to sit with you awhile, theres so much I want and need to say. I love you with all y heart shawn and I pray everynight to be with you, I hope its soon. without you I have no reason to go on.  I love and miss you shawn always and forever  mom

I can truly feel my heart hurting, I miss my son so much and the pain gets worse. the tears still flow everyday and night. the emptiness still there, so lonely, so dark. I pray to go with him, I beg him to come get me. my heart cant take much more. my son, the love of my life forever, I miss you shawn, I love you   mom

for 2 days now I cant smell my son, I sleep in his pjs , I need that smell , I need to know hes with me, please shawn bring the smell back to me, dear god  I need it bad, love you always and forever   mom

everyday I ask myself, what is there to live for? theres nothing to look forward to, nothing to smile about, laugh about. I wonder why im here. without my son shawn theres nothing left. this pain gets deeper and deeper, my tears still flow everyday. I love him more than life and I should have gone before him, I want to go so bad, I pray to go. but im still here in hell with nothing but unbearable pain to live with. why wont he come get me? why wont he come to me? why wont he answer me?  no…

happy birthday to my beautiful son shawn, I pray you are having a wonderfull day with grandma. I miss you so very much shawn, I know ill be with you soon, I love you always and forever  mom

I saw another medium, omg she  knew so much, things no one knew but me and shawn. I cryed so hard and so much as she read me. I miss my so so very very much, and I know now he wont leave me. but im still so deeply depressed and under doctors care, I still pray each night to die, ill never be happy again till im holding my son. I stay in my bed a lot, just to tired to do anything, I go see shawn everyday sometimes in his pjs. I feel like this black hole is getting deeper, and there are times…

the emptiness is taking over, a few weeks ago I tried to take my own life to be with my son, I wished it had worked. I need to hold him, see his face again. to go on without him, no I cant any more.  theres nothing left without shawn,  this loneliness is unbearable,  no one can help me any more, I just need to be with him, that's all I want. forgive me shawn, ill be with you soon, I promise,  love always and forever   mom

all I do is cry, I keep telling my self  my son will come home, I miss him so much the love of my life. theres no way to go on, to live with out him, I feel so empty, broken and so weak.  my prayers are not heard, not answered,  no one hears my pain, hears me. let me go with shawn, let me be with my son.

its so hard everyday to get up, I feel like the walking dead. I cant think any more, I don't dream, I just cry. my dr says the drepression is getting worse, I don't care, I just want to go with my son, this hell I live in  is killing me, I just want to go. to be happy with my shawn, everyone says you got the memories, well im saying I don't want them, I want my baby, I want to see his smile, his laugh, to hug him, kiss him, to hear his voice.  I pray to die,  to be this broken in side, this…

this pain is so unreal, I keep waiting for my beautiful son shawn to come home, to phone me. its been so long since I heard his voice. god im so dead inside, full of hate and empty. why wont he tell me hes ok, happy, and with me everyday?  why wont he come back to me why? I pray everyday to die, why wont he talk me to shawn, why does he make me suffer so bad?my tears never stop, but my life is over,oh please give me my baby back,if theres a god  take me to him please