December 2009 Blog Posts (15)

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How do I get with one of the counselors in here?

I'm Courtney Rice - a new member to several groups as I've lost pretty much everyone close to me and I'm basically a shut-in. I Really need help. I just went through Christmas And my birthday alone as I lost my Michael early in Dec. He was in ICU on his birthday. Please, will one of the counselors contact me? I don't know if distance matters but I'm near Gilroy, Ca. Desperate for contact.
Courtney

Added by Courtney Rice on December 30, 2009 at 2:15am — 3 Comments

Losing someone to drugs

I lost my son, Jeremy to a drug overdose on Thanksgiving Day 2009.

Added by Charlotte on December 24, 2009 at 8:49am — 3 Comments

this is paula , i have been workin alot for chritmas, i really appreciate all who have responed and i will get back to you thanks so much for your prayers

this is paula , i have been workin alot for chritmas, i really appreciate all who have responed and i will get back to you thanks so much for your prayers

Added by paula ingalls on December 21, 2009 at 6:42pm — No Comments

Second week

Yesterday ended the second week without my Papa. I'm supposed to go to my Mom's house to pick photos for the memorial. I can't sleep; I lay here dreading the thought of letting him go, saying goodbye again. I can't decide if I need more time or if it will be this hard no matter when I look at his pictures.

Added by susan Paull on December 20, 2009 at 3:24am — No Comments

another day

why does everyday seem like the last. Nothing new nothing to look forward to but going to bed and counting another day finally gone. I love my son and he is the only thing keeping me going since my daughters death. Still can not believe this is my life. My life has been hijacked. i know my daughter is around me i know she wants the best for us and for us to be happy. i just can not wrap my mind around not seeing her for possibly 40 years or so. I just can not accept that. i know she is happy i… Continue

Added by melissa whaley on December 19, 2009 at 9:57am — 3 Comments

Silence in the woods

I live in the redwoods and just took my dogs for a walk. There is a different kind of silence in the woods; the green quiet of mossy age. The trees have been there since before we were ever a hope. That they will be there long after I am gone puts things into a different perspective for awhile. The silence at home is full of the inside of my thoughts.

Added by susan Paull on December 18, 2009 at 1:42pm — 1 Comment

hollow ache

I spend my days with a hollow ache through the center of my body and a restlessness that shifts and paces inside me. I miss my father; I miss the gentle hum of his spirit, his wry sense of humor, his clean and clear memory of the details of my life.

It took us some time to develop that relationship. After watching each other from a distance (living in the same home) during my childhood, he stepped forward to be more active in my life when I was in my early twenties. He wrote me a poem that… Continue

Added by susan Paull on December 18, 2009 at 12:30pm — No Comments

fawnas birthday

for fawnas sweet 16 we had a balloon lift with all of her friends. We had cake and food. We wrote messages and tied them to the balloons. It helped alot to make it through because i felt i was doing something for her. That is what is going on in my profile pic i will probably make it annual. I am sure her friends will stop coming eventually but i will do it as long as i physically can.

Added by melissa whaley on December 17, 2009 at 3:26pm — No Comments

another good support group

compassionate friends has an online support chat and local chapter meeting for those who have lost children or siblings. Just took part in a nationwide candel lighting ceremony to remember the children we miss so much. I hope this info may be helpful to some one

Added by melissa whaley on December 17, 2009 at 1:05pm — No Comments

Always the tailors

I am always caught up with a nagging feeling that there is something I should be doing, someone I should be calling to see how they are holding up. My father and I were always the tailors, repairing the family garment, tying threads together. Now it is just me and what feels like loose pieces.

Added by susan Paull on December 16, 2009 at 1:02pm — No Comments

A small caged bird...

Where do I put the deep affection I have for my father? Affection is to give, to share, becomes lonely and distraught without it's intended. Once love is generated and layered upon itself over time, it is like a being of it's own, breathing with those that share it. I am lonely and distraught; I want this love, this energy to be put to good use in the world in some way. Right now, it is a small caged bird, it's wings fluttering against the bars.

Added by susan Paull on December 16, 2009 at 1:34am — 2 Comments

A sense of grace and gratitude

You know how the waves of feelings come over you during these grieving times; one came yesterday, a peaceful one. I felt a sense of gratitude and a feeling of grace that I had/have that degree and quality of relationship with my father. I don't have to wrestle with a sense of regret that there were things that didn't get said or understandings never reached. It is the hollow ache of not having him to talk to or to do art with that is so hard.

When a beloved dog of mine died a few years ago… Continue

Added by susan Paull on December 14, 2009 at 7:15pm — No Comments

I lost my Papa last week.

My father has been, for many years, the one I called when I needed someone to talk to, the one who always let me know he believed in me. I miss him so incredibly. It has made me realize that I need to make some changes in my life because I have been the soother, the mediator, the caretaker in my family and I find myself with nobody to cry with much of the time.

We are planning his memorial in a few days and that is another painful step in letting him go. I want to honor his memory, carry… Continue

Added by susan Paull on December 14, 2009 at 1:42am — 1 Comment

the Night Before my Mother Died

The Night Before my Mother passed away i had talked to her and she did not sound good t o do with her breathing and weakness so we talked and i called her back more like 15 mins to check on her, she said can you come over tommorrow and stay with me she was scared to death that there was somthing worng. yes Mom i can do that so she said Ok.. i am going to lay down and I love you she said to me. Ill never forget it thats for sure means alot to me when she said that to me.. i replyed back to her… Continue

Added by sharon on December 8, 2009 at 12:55am — No Comments

thank you all

my name us David steinbock im jackie husband. I just to thank you all shearing your pain and grief ,it has help me lot .some time i have no idear what to day to her.I know today that i can take that pain away from her. its the first time in my that i can fix it. I learn from you that i have to hold and love her. i know today that the pain for her is never go away. and we can only hope that it soften in time It's been 8 month and every once and awhile she has a good day. she not the lady that i… Continue

Added by jackie steinbock on December 3, 2009 at 7:41pm — 1 Comment

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