December 2015 Blog Posts (33)

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I feel like there is so much to say but yet I have nothing to say. Another damn oxymoron, nothing new in this hell. I will type anyway.

I still can't believe Gary is physically gone. I say that in a more solemn way. Before, my mind nor my emotions could wrap itself around this concept. It was the nightmare. The bad dream you can't wake up from. Feeling like every part of my existence is living on some distant planet while at the same time in some bizzare, twilight zone my body was…

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Added by rachel_micele on December 12, 2015 at 2:00am — 1 Comment

How do I Survive after his Homicide?

Added by Ladi B on December 11, 2015 at 2:57pm — No Comments

How do I Survive after his Homicide?

Added by Ladi B on December 11, 2015 at 2:57pm — No Comments

Birthday

Today is my husband's birthday. It's the first without him. I can't stop crying and I just want to bury myself under my covers all day. His coworkers are having a lunch today in his memory and I'm okay with that. It's just really hard having the "first" things come around and I have to try to manage without him.

Added by Tina Russell on December 10, 2015 at 10:26am — 2 Comments

This amazing guy happens to me, a man who taught me to trust again.  Who made me feel beautiful, special and worth loving and then he died! I'm so angry. I'm alone, and it doesn't matter what job I h…

This amazing guy happens to me, a man who taught me to trust again.  Who made me feel beautiful, special and worth loving and then he died!

I'm so angry. I'm alone, and it doesn't matter what job I have or what I do or what I don't do or what friends I have,  or don’t have; he's not here.

People remind me to eat, sleep, and to take care of myself, but nothing…

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Added by Lauri Richards on December 10, 2015 at 10:00am — No Comments

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Added by dream moon JO B on December 6, 2015 at 3:57pm — 3 Comments

more pain

today after seeing my son, I went to the store with my husband to pick up a few things, I never go any more but I thought I would this time. it was the first time someone said merry Christmas to me. I felt my eyes tear up, my heart felt like it stopped. I could not even look  her in the face and I ran out of the store. im not going out again till this crap is over.  how can people say that when she looked  at my face seen my swollen eyes, I never smile, just pain .  please let these holidays…

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Added by kim on December 6, 2015 at 10:20am — 2 Comments

No prize at the end

The point of finally seeing the end of college semester has come. And that is a huge relief as I was burnt after the first month. But it dawned on me. That relief is as if there is some prize at the end. But there is no prize. There will be more semesters to come and I'll still be in the same damn boat I've been in - Gary is physically gone and I don't know how to live without him here.

In only a handful of days it will be 9 months. A month ago…

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Added by rachel_micele on December 6, 2015 at 1:30am — No Comments

I don't believe

Today has been one of those days when all I have thought about is death and is it really the end, and as much has I've been trying to convince and talk myself in to believing there an afterlife I'd put money on the fact that there isn't, and that it's just some garbage to make us all feel better about losing a person we love , I have came to this conclusion purely because I know my Andrew and I know for sure that  if he could in anyway see how much pain me and his children are in he would…

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Added by joanne on December 3, 2015 at 5:32pm — 4 Comments

so tired

im so sick and tired of this x mas shit all ready. it hurts so much to see  it all and everyone talking about it . I just want it to be over. I stay in my room all the time so I don't have to see the lights, I don't go out so I don't have to see  people so dam happy.  my eyes fill up so fast, my tears still fall all the time.  its not a happy time any more just so pain full, I wish it was over, I wish I was with shawn,  I beg my son to please  take me home, take me out of this hell I live…

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Added by kim on December 3, 2015 at 10:13am — 2 Comments

A Comforting Homily

I stumbled upon this over the internet and found it somewhat

comforting.  Since I believe I will see nancy again in the next

life, it was even better.  



  • DEATH IS NOTHING AT ALL



    I have only slipped away into the next room



    I am I and you are you



    Whatever we were to each other



    That we are still



    Call me by my old familiar name



    Speak to me in the…
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Added by Mel Royer on December 2, 2015 at 12:25pm — No Comments

Holiday Grief

All over Christmas lights are twinkling

Outward signs of cheer, family and love

Their lives full of happiness beaming,

and mine, mourning you this holiday.…

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Added by Mary Smith on December 1, 2015 at 8:49pm — 2 Comments

back to the beginning

It's been 5 months now since my world fell apart, but for the last few weeks I thought I had started to turn a small corner, I stopped taking my sleeping tablets and diazapam and looked in the mirror and told myself it's time to get stronger, for my children's sake at least, and everyones been telling me how well and brave I have been, I've even been smiling and chatting to the customers at work, not like I used to, but I really have been trying , but today well... I don't know whats…

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Added by joanne on December 1, 2015 at 4:37pm — 4 Comments

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It was not supposed to be like this

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