everyday my heart hurts, to breathe hurts. but the tears still fall each and every day. I feel so empty and so alone. I would give anything to hear  MOM, to hear shawns voice, to see that beautiful smile once more. I tell myself every day he will come home back to me. I feel without this ill lose it, ill break. im in such a deep dark place and there will never ever be light again. this is just a dark dream, and I cant wake up. I hope to hold him soon, I pray to. my shawn my love of my life…

soon the holidays will be here , my heart hurts so much. to go through Christmas without you kills me. its now just another day. I ask every night what you want me to do, and no answer, to hear  MOM from you would be such a gift and I hope I hear it one more time. all day I think of holding you, trying to remember how it feels. my chest hurts to breathe, my tears burn, ill wait for you to come to me, and pray to you each night that its soon,  my love my life my son, forever mom

 my wonderful son,  I cry so hard everyday and night, missing you with all my broken heart. I can barely see my eyes are so swollen, its so hard to see another holiday coming, and to feel so alone and empty with out you here. I hope each day you can hear me, but I hope you can not feel my pain. I wish my tears could build a stairway to you, I would have been there by now. you will always be the love of my life, without you im not whole, my wish this x mas would be to hear you say  MOM, to…

today  I could smell shawn in my living room right by my computer, I know hes here it was so strong. shawn loves his computer , its his way of telling me hes here he wont leave me, I miss him so much, I pray each night to go with him, to hold him tight again. my babys here hes here.  my beautiful son, the love of my life, he will never leave me.    

today my doctor came to see me. she brough all the papers and explained why my shawn went away.  I cryed so much she had to stop and she held me. she said if the heart dr had called 911 shawn would still be here. but he just sent him home. I know its wrong but I wish with all I have if that dr has kids I hope they die, I want him so much to feel my pain, my emptiness forever. I  said to her, my shawns not coming home is he? when she looked into my eyes and told me no, I lost it so bad I…

shawn as I placed a white rose with you, my tears were falling on your stone I felt nothing but darkness, emptiness. I hurt like ive never hurt before. oh god I miss you so bad, how can I go on shawn how? you are my life and nothing else matters, you are my only great love my beautiful son. I have never been so tired, so afraid. all I want is to be with you, to hold you and never let you go.  im waiting for you baby, please come to me please. I need you.  love you always and so deeply ,…

today its snowing, I know you hated the cold winters, when I went to see you today and saw your flowers covered in snow it broke my heart. I hope you are wrapped in moms arms  warm and safe. I ask everyday and night for you to come to my dreams and tell me you are happy, its been a year and 3 days and I have not had 1 dream, I miss you more each and everyday, I cry so much my eyes hurt everyday. I feel like im falling deeper and deeper, im begging you to grab my hand and take me with you,…