Natasha L.'s Blog – October 2010 Archive (6)

I wish...

Matt's parents picked up his ashes from the funeral home. He wanted to be cremated. They are paying for a small memorial at a cemetery nearby. I'm not sure if I'm ready to visit that spot when he's laid to rest there. I know it isn't him... he's in heaven. But those are his remains. His earthly tent.
I wish I had had more time. I wish I could take back all the fights. I wish I was able to hold him and tell him how much he means to me. I wish I had opted to see him before they placed…
Continue

Added by Natasha L. on October 30, 2010 at 10:49am — 1 Comment

*sigh*

It's been a month since Matt died. So many things have changed. I sometimes feel as though I no longer have control over my life. That I'm just floating around trying to make sense of everything.
Trinity has really started to miss her daddy. She's having trouble concentrating in school and she has had more moments of crying or questioning "why". I am really looking forward to the grief support group for her on the 6th! I think it will help her learn to cope with her feelings and help her…
Continue

Added by Natasha L. on October 28, 2010 at 5:16pm — 1 Comment

"I Can Only Imagine"

His memorial was on the 15th. There were over 200 people there to help celebrate his life. I saw all his high school friends, church friends, family members, even our tattooed biker group of friends. There were punk kids, preppy people, goths... We used to joke about how eclectic our group of friends was.
I tried so hard not to lose it. But when our family friend sang http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xwzItqYmII , I started to sob. I…
Continue

Added by Natasha L. on October 17, 2010 at 10:25am — No Comments

Feeling Blessed

This morning I decided that it was a good idea for Trinity (my daughter) and I to walk to school. She was pretty skeptical. But by the time we reached her school the dreams of her daddy and her sadness had dissipated. She announced to me that we need to walk to school every day that I'm not working. I agreed with her and the deal has been made.
On the way home I spent some time in prayer. There are mornings where I wake up and the birds are singing and the sun shining and I think, "How can…
Continue

Added by Natasha L. on October 11, 2010 at 11:28am — 1 Comment

Memories Over Dinner

Tonight I made my roasted lemon and herb chicken for my family. It was one of Matt's favorite meals.
It was tougher than I had thought it would be, sitting down to eat something he liked so much. But it was therapeutic as well.
We got to laughing over one memory in particular. The first time I made the chicken for him, he was so enamored with the crispy skin that he kept burning his fingers trying to pick pieces of it off.
My daughter requested we make another of his…
Continue

Added by Natasha L. on October 7, 2010 at 8:41pm — 1 Comment

Remember...

...that all things work together for the glory of God. I keep reminding myself of this when I sense myself going down that dark road of depression.
I miss Matt more than anything right now. Every little thing that I see or do reminds me of him in one way or another. I find myself unable to even really write about the event... I suppose I'll write about my depression.
Everyone is so worried about me because of my history. Yes, I have major depression disorder. Yes I suffer from…
Continue

Added by Natasha L. on October 5, 2010 at 10:43am — 2 Comments

Latest Activity

Gary Ruby is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 19
Julie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 5
Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
dream moon JO B updated their profile
Oct 16
Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10
Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
Sep 26
Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
Thumbnail

It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service