Sometimes I think of finding a support group of real live people. I go see a worthless psychologist.Does he help me through the grief ,I don,t know. I escape as much as possible from my feelings.I think I have a plan but I really don,t . Since her death I put my self in overdrive(so to speak)assigning myself all the duties I would think you do when your wife's dies. So its like driving thru total darkness thinking there is a destination but you never reach (at least not yet)Its hard very…

I took my blood pressure pill ugh dizzy light headed:

The loss hits home when a loved one is taken off bank accounts,what about driver lic renewal Oh Social security stops the checks. Well you get the idea I mourn the loss of my wife awful flashbacks. Umm sadness

It took me a while to give some of her clothes to Goodwill. I got  myself to toss some food in the garbage she bought.Oh it was good she feed me well.I had a weight gain since she passed (working on losing it)I just…

Alot of people expresse there thoughts about a losing a love one that in my case I try to push out of my mind.Does it make it worse I don,t know .I was in he bath and had a flashback about my wife in the critical care which has the effect of smothering me in sadness.I pull myself out of it.Its been 4 months ,I still full the hold on me from out marriage.Its ironic I got our old van inspected and left our focas in the driveway.When I come back home I still feel that emotional pull of seeing…

Ist of all Iam really really tired. Grief, depression,My screwed up work schedule, worry my prostate cancer will reappear,hormon shots(side effects) the total mess my wife made of my life(psychologically I did not have the will or motivation to stop it) etc etc etc oh did I say overweight . Trying to figure out how to live the rest of my life(by myself or what ever) At 65 Iam thrust out in the world deciding how bad it would be to die from hight blood pressure or cancer in my bones or…

ahh umm (not going nuts here) inpired by other posts,comments yes,life sucks other people are having a time no grief or sorrow and here we are suffering a loss. I was at the kitchen sink preparing my luch for work and thought if I don,t do something to change my life I don,t know what to do.It wasn,t the greatest life when she was here but at least I had someone,someone I loved regardless of her "behavior"

Iam sure if you read some of my posts you,ll get the idea. After almost 4…

I have read a members posting here about God . I believe God was there when My Wife breathed her last breath and suddenly I am in the cruel world on my own.I depended on her for  guidance as it were .I was going down the wrong path with her.I really didn,t have much of a life as a I perceived it In our last years did we have shared intimate moments,I suppose in our own way.Well anyway let me leave it at that.

I think it should have been me instead of her breathing my last breath.I…

I went to a psychologist (weekly vist ) I don,t know what are you suppoosed to say. Iam sad ,I miss my wife,I want to commit suicide (I don,t ).I asked this guy about some groups and he said"I suppose I would look into it. Iam tired of myself.I keep wanting to get a massage(a real one).I cann,t bring myself to do it.Ref :Getting tired of myself. My alter ego says"get your ass in there(massage place) ugh I hate myself. I have my own little nighmares during the day about my wife dying.. I go…

Iam going to buy the most outlandish designed sheet and put it on the bed.I suppose one could go one step further and sell the bed my wife sleeped on . Its almost new bed

everyone grieves differently (thats been said right!) I have some spells(flashbacks) of her last breath. This puts me on the ground,not literally.I gave most of her clothes to goodwill,keep some dresses. There is so much personal belongings both hers and mind.

You collect all this stuff and eventually you pass…

well I read members blogs and have ideas for my blog.Its odd I feel like I have been living in a vacuum my whole life.Everything was further complicated by a pretend marriage and the passing of my wife.Especially by the death of my wife.So I carry a unconsciousness goal of maby dying.As anyone can share ,death is a mystery.My poor wife was turned into a vegetable by the witch doctors a St edwards South austin hospital.So maby I can be pumped full of pain killers and die a no nothing…

how do you grieve?why are we thrust into that world alot of us know.Does God sort it out.It makes us wonder about God Many people blame God.God is fair but in a hard way.My own experience

I wonder she dies ( I pull the life support) Why Why Put me into a life that I always ran from .after all Iam 65 able to bounce back uh Able to put it together move on .Well like it or not Doing it whether I like it or not. No not a bed of roses If there was a more simpler way  would we all take…

I read other peoples entries and have made comments. I learned to not comment directly but use the subject matter of the person entry to somment. There are many times where I see ,smell or hear something that reminds me of her. Ill work through it or avoid it. She was on dialysis. I avoid the dialysis clinic (its next the GYm where I go)On the other hand I keep some dresses and shoes of hers . She was oriental (Taiwan) rice was a big thing I haven,t cooked rice since she died or eaten (well…

I was trying to think what to tell my therapist.( I frigging hour to do this) ahh "your the only one preventng me from blowing out my brains"( don,t own a gun) !! Iam not sure if I want to go to a support group . I would lay on my couch all day if given the chance. Iam stuffing my face with pasta as Iam typing this.My upper back hurts. However back to step one or two .I really need to get out and talk to someone.Getting drunk is not the answer.I have forgotton to take my welbutin(anti…

 A coworker said and it very true that instead of trying to please my wife ,who sadily passed way that Iam replacing her with her son ,as far as pleasing him or seeking his approval. Enough said

I emailed my stepson and said Iam taking grief(101) learning to be independent.Which again is very true. So I have been making financial decisons and there is a kind of independence slowly working its way in . (AT least I think there is ) in my case I welcome it but in gaining it it was a…