Rest In Peace my love

Everlasting in my memories

So dearly loved

Time will unite us

I will always love you

Never forgotten…

I am just over two months into my Grief journey so I thought I would share some thoughts on it with you.

Yes I still cry there are many tears-but what is a tear. A tear is a mini universe of the feelings and moments you shared with your loved one. Your tears are your way of expressing that love you felt for them. Every tear you shed is a blessing for them like putting the sign of the cross on your head with holy…

everyday the pain gets worse, to lose my only child my beautiful son shawn. my heart hurts so bad and to breathe even gets harder. tears fall so easy, shawn you are and will always be my life, my love. will I ever get passed this NO. can I go on without you  NO. you are the best thing that ever happened to me, without you its just not worth it any more. I know when I cry and talk to you , you can hear me. I know you can feel me. but for me not to feel you hear you see you its  killing me. I…

Ste 

As I left work today my mind played a cruel trick on me-I thought I saw you walking towards me -like when you used to meet me -you would bounce towards me baseball cap on head with with a grin from ear to ear. My heart lept and filled with joy and my voice cried out silently Ste- but then -the realisation it was a stranger blasted my mind like I'd been waterboarded and my heart fell and felt like I had left it on the pavement behind me as the truth of your death hit me again like…

Ste

This is how it feels without you -the constant pain and heartbreak that happens when I go to bed , when I wake up and at odd times when I have a moment of oblivion like a day dream and then the certain realisation of your death hits me like a knife piercing my heart and soul that you are forever gone.

Yet I still feel connected to you -how can you be gone-I still love you and miss you more than life itself. After two months It doesn't seem to get better I have learnt that I…

Why is it when someone you love dies that you replay years worth of memories in your head in a few hours remembering every word, every look, every emotion you felt and witnessed and yet you crave new memories that are no longer possible. You ring their phone just to hear their voicemail kick in and you crave to still speak to them -the phone rings and you think it may be them but it is not possible.…

Night time is my nightly nightmare, It's the time I miss you the most

I go outside and gaze with eyes wide open at the shaded sky and melancholy moon

I search out the sky studded stars one by one 

I silently speak to each star and ask, is that you shining?…

The tears fall freely on my face tonight

My grief has to be seen

A journey full of heartbreak, 

And it all seems like a dream.

 …

I miss your smile Ste, your chin that was dimpled as if kissed by an angel and the way you squinted one eye

Missing the love and the life we shared

Imagining what you would be saying at every point of the day,I miss our conversations

Separated from you I'm lost without you by my side I miss your wise words & guidance

Sad that we can't laugh at the silliest things together and share…

two years after my wife passed away

Its sat,thinking of making my vodka orange juice stronger. My emotional outlets have been through massages.So I have put off starting off on a life of my own.Of course a good massage therapist will fill in that void for a whole hour to an hour and a half and then it back to square one .I  have come to a point and its hard I realize I have to though it out and its hard. Things come to mind and I coming back here from a long absence  Did I…

to my darling son shawn, everyday seems to get harder and harder to go on with out you. I cant remember what its like to sleep a full night, to not cry every day. to pray to go with you. how do I go on? how do I watch others smiling, laughing, shawn I need you so bad,i wear your things to bed I smell them all night long, ill never ever wash them, I need to know you have not left me alone. my heart feels like its slowly stopping, dear god I miss my baby, those beautiful big brown eyes that…

everyday I watch people, going on with there lives, my family and friends to.but I just cant with out you.  I don't understand how my sisters can do this.  my heart is so broken and they know it. once a week if im lucky they will call  and say hows everything going then they say ok bye. its like a 2 min call. I have begged them to talk about you, begged them to hear me out. but they just don't have time for me. and that hurts but nothing hurts as much as loseing you. I feel so broken so…

The death of a relative or a friend is never easy. But if someone has had the foresight to plan ahead, and has pre-paid for their funeral, it can help relieve a lot of the stress for those left behind. Prepaid funerals are a way to ensure unnecessary stresses and pressures are avoided before a funeral and can assist people left behind to concentrate on saying goodbye.

There are many reasons why arranging a funeral…

my beautiful son how I miss you with all my heart. my tears never stop. I want so bad to hear you, to hold you. why wont he take me to you, I pray every night to go with you. my pain is so deep , with out you  theres nothing left. it hurts to breathe, i wait  every day for you to come home, to phone me to call me  MOM . oh shawn please please help me. I cant go on with out you I just cant, I don't want to.  night god bless my son,  you are always the love of my life , we will be together…

Our Heaven

I’m a human he’s divine I’m on earth he’s in heaven he builds our cottage and plants our roots he prays with Jesus and shares his fruits…