Hi my name is Julie and I lost my soulmate on in October of 2010. Looking for others to help me understand this terrible loss. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

Yesterday on the radio I heard a Father's Day ad for Hallmark and it made me so sad. I was thinking about last Father's Day and remember that we all (my sister, my brother, my mom, our husbands, kids AND my Step Dad) went to the nursing and rehab center to spend it with my bio Dad since he was there. It was great to be able to celebrate with both of my Dad's in the same place on Father's Day. This Father's Day I am able to celebrate that my bio Dad is doing well however the loss of losing my…

How do I go on when it feels like I'm stuck on March 7th. My birthday was a blur and now here its June 13th your birthday. God I wish I was still numb instead of feeling all the emptness and lonelyness!! Baby I know you want me to be happy but how am I suppose to do that without you. You were (are) my everything...... my world!! I just wish I understood why you had to leave me when doctors said you were doing great!! Why???  People that say time heals are so wrong!! I would give anything to…

there are some grief support groups in austin but not much. So I come here and blog,maby to much.. Me and my wife never did keep a photo album or anything like that. .Well ok we did along time ago.I don,t have a recent picture of her . People always ask how Iam doing and I always say "good" what I really want to say is Iam depressed screwed up I want to smash something and Iam  confused,No one is making decisions for me Iam having to…

when i cry now i cry differently  , i hear my self howl at times and try to quiet myself and my tears are different as in size whats weird and  what worry s me is how or why am i noticing such trivial
 things ? am i losing my mind sure feels like im closer each day to insanity.

I was reading some entries about medicating yourself . So I drink to fall asleep and take melitonin.Since my wifes death Iam trying to take better care of myself .I have been telling myself ,put a little less vodka in the orange juice. My liver won,t take this forever ,like I have a charmed life or somethng "Wrong!!!" Whos kidding who. I feel much better today. Its still very strange without her even though we never really…

So tomorrow would have been my loves 52nd birthday! God I don't know how I'm going to make it through the day. Instead he has been gone for three months now. I'm so lost without him and I really don't see things getting any better!! How do I go on when my heart is gone? He was my everything! I still find myself going to tell him something and then realize I can't.

I hate this dam laptop

,you know how it will scoll automaticlly.if you know know it just does it . I lost my faher in a car accident he was driving a VW bus(you don,t seem anymore ,and he was returning from work.I was driving down the same highway when it happend and saw the wreck. I went around and went home,when I didn,t see the vw in the yard I drove back to the accident,unfortunatly it was his VW they had taken him to the hsopital the cop there said if they knew he was retired af…

On that very night of April 28, 2011 when my husband, Danny, was killed, we both shared a "I love you". That was the very last time I heard him say "I Love You" to me. Since that night, my life was turned upside down. Loosing my husband who was just 29 years old, and had a full life ahead of him and a family to support  caused a huge loss and trauma in my life. When I myself lost my Daddy, I said…

I was in walmart and shopping,I was taken with a spell of depression in other words took me over uuncontrolable I fought it back.You think you can handle a loss but its not that easy.So here Iam in a empty house.Its ironic,because she never stayed home that much.So I spent part of the morning planting  a fruit tree she bought, trying to figure out where to plant the other ones.

My stepson doesn,t call but bless his heart he paid for some temple visits to honor his mother.I had a good…

My Mom met my Step Dad, Dave in January of 93, I had just turned 12 years old. I remember when I first saw him in his Ford Bronco with his polyester pants and shirt. I would later tell my Mom that he looked like a dork. I would resist my Mom dating him since she had just filed for divorce from my fist Step Dad who was an alcoholic and abusive. I was not ready for another Step Dad. In November of 1993 Dave would be transferred from IL to Texas. My Mom would move with him the following month…

I really don't think I can do this. How do I go on without you??  Why did you have to leave me a week before my birthday? At least at that point I was still in shock and numb to everything around me. But dangit your birthday is coming up Wed and I can't handle it!! I want to be with you so bad it hurts. There has not been a day thats gone by that I've not cried for you! I loved you so much and still do. I blame God for taking you away from me. Part of me died the day you did I feel so guilty…

Today we planned to knock down the deck off the 2nd floor kitchen,replace the atrium doors with windows.Got home a little later than planned last night which meant I had to get up quite a bit eariler than I wanted. It was exciting because we had planned on this change for a while.I then realized I get more pleasure doing things for other people than doing things for myself.Even though the windows look good and the yard looks different and the patio looks better,there is no feeling of…

this will be the 1st fathers day with out my dad i no it will be hard coz i havent got my dad now 2 sent cards to buy his favret sweets or cakes wen i woz a kid he woz ther for me allways taking me to casualty to get stitchit up or bandig up or clean me up if i fell like the tim he used tell me wen i woz 3 i got away and ran in to a lamp post he had to tak me bac to his mums…

To say I miss you in such an understatement.  It feels so weird to be a widow at 53.  I thought we were going to grow old together and see our kids get married and grandchildren and all that.  I love you so much as if you were right here next to me.  I am going through the motions, but my heart is so heavy. How do people do this?  All I can be sure of is that I know you are in Heaven and God needed you for some reason I do not understand.  But I will be good here…

She always took care of everthing. Somethings she did were financially bad.I knew better to go up Aginst her.So she ran into a brick wall.The hospital always fixed things. We were all niave on what was going on.She was a dialysis patient so going in for major medical surgery did not go well.

So now Iam doing it alone Will lt ever come together ,I suppose it will. I suffer bouts of depression ,Iam sure everyone does that looses a loved one In my life she was always off…

Iam so tired. I need to cut back on the drink I have everyday. When she was alive their was this sick scenero where she would out of the blue throw me out. I used or use alcohol as a crutch. I have never dealt with the problem of her vindicative ,revengful mood swings accept to accept my fate and drive around with my clothes in the car untile she felt better. She was always making irational decisons and then backing out.Like buying new homes ,maby she sensed my subconscious feelngs about not…

Memories of Pebbles

 There are good memories, the kind we like to recall, the ones we often recall. They are the memories that we most often recall, the ones that we most often share with others when asked about our loved ones who are no longer with us. These are the memories we no longer need to close our eyes or search our mind for. They are instantly there on the tip of our tongue soothing like sweet honey to our palate.

Like the well-worn stones in a…

Hope For The Broken Hearted 

Many people know the pain of watching people disappear from their lives when they are grieving, facing a long term illness, when they have a special needs child or when they deal with any sort of problem that needs more than a quick fix. If that's your experience, then make sure that you are there for others, since you know…