My mom passed away one year ago today, on February 8^th 2012 from cancer. I had been meaning to post a message on this site shortly after she passed but I never did. My mom was the sweetest and most loving lady in her 75 years on this earth. She did the Lord's work and was full of love. She was selfless and full of compassion toward her loving family and friends. I sorely miss my mom. There was an irrevocable change when she passed. I feel our family was closer when my mom was…

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I got a promotion at work that I couldn't be more excited about :) And I got an office, which is amazing! It's great to have my own space.  But I find myself sad not being able to share this news with my parents... I know I can, but it's really not the same.  

Today while I was eating lunch I had the television on, just as I always do.

I can't even remember what show I was watching now..

I had my head down, looking at my lunch- not in a sad mopey way but looking at what I was picking up with my fork. All of a sudden I heard Becky's voice. For real, not in my mind. I looked up and there she was. As beautiful as ever and alive. 

Months ago her and her boyfriend went on the show Judge Judy over a dispute with breeding their dog.…

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Writing things down in this blog has helped me.  It helps to get things out, whether you go to therapy, or just write.  Here, I say things I'd never really say to anyone.  I never told Sue's sisters about the night she went into the hospital, mainly because I don't think I could get through it.  I've told them enough without getting into details no one has asked for.  Maybe, at some point, I will want to try therapy, but not right now.  It's been a long 3 months....I had to go through…

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I wish my words could be heard by him. I miss the love of my life. He will forever be with me in my heart in my  mind and in my memories.  I feel like I will never find that happiness.  Things were not always perfect.  But what I knew was that he loved me. Oh how I miss him. every day is a struggle just to get through it without him. When I am having a bad day I don't have him to turn to. Oh how I miss my baby.

Dear Mom & Dad,

Today is my birthday. & I have so much happening in my life. B & I have a new home, I can't believe we're home owners but we are! It needs some work, but it's ours to work on! & we're getting married this summer, can you believe that? I'm not so little anymore am I? Soon enough we'll be having a family of our own & i'll become mom just like you once were. We have so much happiness & joy happening around us, & some how all I can think about is…

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i feal very lost and wit my dads 1st yr anversy coming up i feal even more lost after my dad died it seamd to be more death and more death last death woz my cuzens husband same type of person as my dad great person allways thnging of others 

I've been confused before about many things. I was confused by what happened to my sister; I didn't, don't and probably will never understand why. Her killer was someone who claimed to love her but I know in my heart of hearts that he couldn't have possibly loved her. Looking back now I see, the way he participated (or lack thereof) in their relationship, the way he spoke to her- he didn't love her. He didn't know what love was. I will always be confused and never understand how someone…

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One thing that I know now is what I've lost. Not my loss.... my wife....but all the things she gave me that I no longer have.  First is her love.  The most awesome, incredible, unbelievable love I've ever known.  A dream come true if there's ever been one.  I don't know what I did to deserve her.  She was always there for me.  When my ex decided she couldn't handle our son, Sue didn't blink.  Of course he could live with us.  Sue wanted him, no questions asked, no…

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One of the most frustrating things for me is the way grief comes and goes.  There are times where I'm not wanting to do anything but miss Sue, and then there are times when I can string a few days in a row where I'm feeling a bit better about things, and I'm actually productive...well, maybe not as focused as I should be, but productive none the less.  I just hate the way it's just so random.... I never know when I wake up if my grief will overtake me or not.  I have no control over it yet,…

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It's been so hard sis. Everyday I wait for you to knock on the door and say,"Hey baby girl. Miss me? What's for supper?". I am with you Mandy, every second of every day, even when I'm drowning in work, I'm still with you. I eat and remember how you taught me to enjoy our meals together. I sleep and I think about you in your funky pj's. I wash my hair and think about how I hate my shower because it's not as great as the one in your house. What am I going to do? Life doesn't feel livable anymore.… Continue