tawnya
  • Female
  • Sacramento, CA
  • United States
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About my Loss:
I just lost my partner of eight years to a tragic accidental gunshot allegedley by one of his close family members whom I also love....I am pregnant with our first child only 3 months along. I don't know how to go on day to day without my best friend but also just wish I could hear him say he wants me to. I wish the universe would take me too. But I have a baby coming to take care of. I'm never going to date again. Two years ago him and I had a falling out in which I got drunk and kissed someone else. After which upon making up I felt stupid for what I'd dine but I needed him to know that I was just mad at him and didn't intend in kissing or ever having that GI anywhere with someone else. I only wanted to be with him. We tiook each either back of course because we are bound by an unbreakavke bond. One thing I keep remembering is him saying while crying that now he knows that when he dies I'll just move on and we won't be together in heaven. I told him a drunk kiss is revenge diesbt compare anything to what we ever had it have and that I would be impelled to kill myself if he died. I really mean that I never wanna be with someone else. Couples have issues but he was my rock. Before him dying we had another falling out because I'm hormonal and he was doing some activities in which u had issue with and it led to an explosive fight. I went to NY sisters for a cpl days and he called finally apologizing and saying he's gonna do everything he needs to for the baby and me so when he was back from him work trip I was gonna come home.... then the next day his sister called me bawling explaining to me he got shoit and died. I can't believe it I told her no it must be wrong he must still be alive.... well no he is dead. My best friend is dead. My baby's father is dead. My soulmate is dead. I'm dead.....inside.just 3 years ago iI list my dad. I found him dead in his riim from breathing complications my dad was my either best friend. He lived with us and my hubby was at work and I found him in the morning blue and covered in vomit. I thought that was the worst loss I'd ever experience. I was wrong. At least with that u had my baby by my side helping comfort me and knowing I still had a life to get back to. Now I have no one even close to me like those two were. Family is giid I love them but its not the same. My mom killed herself when I was nine I'd lose her 1000 times over just to have my love bug back. I lost my best friend in 2010 I'd lose him again just to have my love bug back. And yes even my dad is lose one more time just to have my love bug back. The pain is incredible....

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Not looking forward to Christmas

It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
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