rebecca walter
  • Female
  • niagara falls ontario
  • Canada
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About Me:
im 32 married 3 kids aged 12(girl),4(boy),2(girl) and another baby boy due november 10 2011
About my Loss:
well after i gave birth to my youngest daughter october 15 2009 i lost my mom december 22 2009, she was living in another province and i was not there when she passed but had talked with her about 3-4 days before she passed...she had hep c and eventually developed into liver cancer. she went into the hospital december 6 2009, we hadnt had th ebst relationship as i was taken into foster care n 1994 when i was 14 due to being molested by her then husband and rather then believe me she stayed with him...after years of abuse from him she had finally left him sometime in 2003..at which point she came to the provine i was living in to apologize to me about what had happened..that was in 2003...after that we had pretty much talked at least once a week and in april 2009 she came out for my wedding along with my younger brother(son of her then husband) and my father also came out with his other son....after she passed my husband and i had decided to move back to bc to be closer to my father and other family. unexpectedly (well i knew that my dad had contracted hep c from her but didnt realize the extent of it)...on june 29 2010 he was admitted into the hospital and he also passed away july 21 2011...i was happy that i was able to be there when he passed..i sat on the foot of his hospital bed when he took his last breath...after he passed away we had decided to move back to ontario as that is where my husbands family is...now he says i have changed since the birth of our last daughter...but i think it has more to due with the loss of both parents..after we moved back here on april 12 2011 my uncle ( my dads youngest brother) also passed away due to ep c realted illness..they had all got it from tainted blood. but for some reason i know im more angry and i dont know why...i yell all the time more so at my oldest daughter and my husband is ready to leave me because of it..i know i need help but just not sure where to start or who to go to...or maybe i shouldnt be feeling this way at all...i dont want to be angry all the time and i definatly dont want my oldest daughter thinking i dont love her....before the loss i had no problem with things she did but it seems almost everything makes me angry...i jsut dont know what to do....or who to go to.. i tried to do things for her memorial and was told by my grandma that i wasnt allowed becasue i didnt know her...but i did go to her funeral and i have her ashes as we still havent decided what to do with them. then after my father passed it was almost the same..i wasnt llowed to go help with the planning but was told i could pick out the verse for the paper they give out at the service...so i was happy for that until i got the the memorial..where i then found out they ahd choosen soemthing lse and didnt bother to tell me...and his family acts like my younger brother was my dads only kid..he is younger then me and older brother and i got upset about the obit in the paper as they listed him first before my older brother...and maybe that isnt something to be upset about but i just dont think its right that they act like this...on the anniversary of his death everyone posted on his wall about their feeling about the loss and told him it was ok...but not one person in my family said anything to me...i fell like since i was taken into foster care that i had been competely abondoned...i just dont know what to do...each day that passes i still yell,cry almost erey night, dont feel like doing anything..including housework,i feel soo bad when i yell at my daughter but i dont know what to do about it..i need help..so i thought i would try something like this...i just dont want to find out i have depression and have to go on medication..if anyone has any ideas on how to stop feeling like this please share with me

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