Kathryn, it sounds like you have done a great job with the boys, you should be very proud. I know you are still hurting, and I know we will hurt  till we meet our children again. I have thought many times about taking my own life to be with my son. hes  the love of my life, I remember that day he went away, I wish I could forget it, but it just keeps taking over. I don't know if I can go on living without him, I feel my life is over. I cant remember  when I smiled, laughed. all I do is cry. and I beg him every night to take my hand ill go. im so mad at god I just don't know if I can ever believe in him anymore. he has taken away my life. I would have given   shawn my heart if we knew he had needed it.but to take my baby away before I got to say I love you one more time well im so ready to die to. you have your daughters children to look at and see your daughter in there eyes, I have nothing. shawn had no children, no wife, so I have nothing now. my husband has done everything to help me, and I know im pushing him away but I really don't care anymore, I just want my son.  I wish you the best  hugs   love kim