Not looking forward to Christmas
It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
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john b
- Male
- Marrero, LA
- United States
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- About Me:
- 60 year old white male. I reside in the New Orleans area and employed as a professional accountant. My wife and I are from Arkansas and we met each other in Arkansas while working part-time at Sears and we got married on March 02, 1979. In 1982, I enlisted in the Navy and was stationed in New Orleans. I retired from the Navy in 1992. My wife and I decided to make our home here in New Orleans.
- About my Loss:
- My wife Johnette passed away peacefully in her sleep during the very early hours of Sunday morning March 29, 2015 of unspecific natural causes. We were married for 36 years. Her passing was unexpected. Johnette was suffering from severe degenerated arthritis along with early stages of Parkinson. The prior year she had breast cancer and survived due to early detection. I had a heart attack in October 2014. Johnette stood by my side during my recovery. Johnette feared that I would die leaving her alone. She prayed for me daily. By December I made a full recovery. Johnette suffered chronic pain and depression that was related to the pain. I did my best to take care of her, taking her to doctor's appointments, picking up medicine, doing physical therapy with her, cooking, and taking care of the house. Because of the pain she had a hard time sleeping. She took painkillers and anti-depressants along with physical therapy. Her main goal in life was to get physically better and to manage her pain so that she can more fully enjoy life. That is why that her passing was unexpected. However she did have a chest cold with congestion and took decongestant for the cold. The night she died she woke up around 3am coughing a lot. I woke up too. I helped her out of bed and gave her some water to drink along with a dose of cough syrup. After about 5 minutes her coughing stopped and I helped her back into bed and she went to sleep. I stayed up with her for about 15 more minutes to make sure that she was sleeping ok and no coughing. Everything seem normal so I went back to sleep. I awoke about 7am and my wife appeared to be sleeping normally beside me. I asked her to wake up to get ready to go to church, it was Palms Sunday. She didn't respond. So I got up and sat next to her and kissed her and gently shook her, but no response. I shook her again. I became very concern that something is not right so I gently shook her and said, wake up! Nothing. Now I knew that something was terribly wrong. I shook her again still nothing. I begin to panic fearing the worst. I called 911. Then begin doing CPR but I had to stop when felt angina pains and my chest felt heavy. I kept thinking this can't be happening, I repeating "please wakeup "sweety", the paramedics arrived. They quickly realized that my dear wife was already gone. I told them that I may have had a heart attack while giving CPR. They checked me over and ran a EKG everything looked normal, but an EKG cannot detect a shattered and broken heart. My world changed that morning. Never again to feel my wife's lips, her touch, her smile, her humor, her conversation, see her lovely eyes, to hold her hand, to comfort her, very presence gone taken away. I felt abandon, I felt lost stranded alone on a deserted island. I was in a state of shock.
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John B,
Your post brought me to my knees. Nothing could have prepared you for what you now are having to manage without Johnette. What a horrible way to find your love has just gone without warning. I am so sorry.
I am sorry for all of us. Every time I see more of those little boxes in the side column I cringe. I know there are more people who have discovered this website and my personal pain is just magnified because I know someone else is where I am and I don't want anyone to have to feel like me.
Our struggles with our emotions are the common thread that bring us together because we need and want help in figuring out how we can get through each day. It's not much help but the only way I have found I can halfway cope is I take each moment for just that. A moment. Little tiny baby steps. Not toward anything, just moving. Maybe there will be a future for us, but for me, not yet.
Having 35 years with my husband I know that 36 years with the same person is a long long time to get to know each other and trying to get the brain to understand the loss is almost impossible. There are no quick fixes or answers to understanding why they are gone and we are still here. I just wanted to respond and let you know that your pain has been heard and acknowledged as being the only way you could be now. Abandoned, lost, stranded and in a state of shock.
morgan