I was 16 when I lost the first person of great personal relevance to me - alright, it was Kurt Cobain and I was under the influence of great angst and the grunge movement - true, I had experienced the loss of my grandparents prior to Kurt's suicide, but those deaths were easier to reconcile with the natural course of life and the truth of mortality. Kurt's death was different, it was very personal to me and, combined with natural 16 year old self-involvement, directed me into a major period of… Continue

It keeps occurring to me, in a beat me over the head and smack me in the face kind of way, the total disparity between the almost instantaneous way in which I verbally began to refer to my mother in the past tense while on the other hand my mind, my imagination, my thoughts continue to function as though my mother was still present in my day-to-day life. Of course I'm struck by this often because my mother is pretty much all I think about these days.



So, what is the deal? Is it two… Continue

For me grief has been something like this; you know when you're in an airplane or at a loud concert or club and your ears plug up so that everything outside of your own thoughts is muffled and garbled and ultimately it becomes too much effort to attempt to focus on anything outside yourself (maybe that part is just me - I'm both lazy and self absorbed)?



Then suddenly, out of the blue, your ears pop and unplug and you are hyper-sensitive to the slightest sound?



So I was all… Continue

I am at the point these last few days where I can rationally work through the reality that my mother is gone.



When I focus on that idea I can work it through to it's logical end and accept that all we have are our memories of Her. Luckily for us those memories are so full of Her incredible, indestructible spirit that they will not easily be lost.



And then I lie in bed and close my eyes.



That's when the instinctual part of my brain makes itself heard and… Continue