Not looking forward to Christmas
It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
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Valerie Stowell
- Female
- Fincastle, VA
- United States
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Valerie Stowell's Groups
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Traumatic, Sudden Loss
942 members
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Tattoo Memorial
172 members
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I love my Dad.
414 members
Valerie Stowell's Discussions
Hey is anyone on here tonight...
2 Replies
Is anyone on here? It's one of those nights that I could just use someone to talk to. I think my family and friends are going to kill me if I talk about this anymore with them...
Started this discussion. Last reply by Angela S. Apr 27, 2010.
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Profile Information
- About Me:
- My name is Valerie and I live in Virginia. I am 25 years old. This is difficult for me because I am a counselor and a clinical supervisor... I work with people that have problems all day and am able to help them... I just can't help myself. I don't really know what else to say.
- About my Loss:
- My Dad was diagnosed with cancer Summer of 2008. The treatment was very fast and radical and included things such as the doctors removing his whole nose. I was one of two caretakers for him. As time went on he got a lot better and things were looking good... until cancer was found in his throat. Until they could operate on it the doctors suggested a tempoary tracheotomy. With a tracheotomy, the tube needs to be suctioned out every so often. He indicated to my mother that he needed it cleaned out and she went t get the machine to suction it but the hospital (the VA hospital, Dad was a veteran) forgot to send the suction machine. We live in a pretty rural area. My mother called me and told me to come over, which took me less than 5 minutes to get to her house and I just stood there and watched him suffocate. I am trained in CPR for my job but my Dad still hadn't had reconstructive surgery on his nose and I felt so helpless. I didn't know how to do CPR on someone with no nose. I am so angry. I blame myself, I don't know where to place blame. I feel like I have had such bad experiences with death starting from when I was five and fell asleep on my grandfathers lap. I woke up and he was dead and that it my first memory of childhood. Or when I was 19 and my uncle and I were at Disney in Florida and he just died while we were walking around. There has been so much and I don't know where to place the blame or the anger. It's so frustrating when I am having an amazing day and a song comes on or I see a picture and it's just over. I feel the loss all over again and I smell the smells and I'm back in that moment where my life feels like it ended. As a result of my grief I have lost a lot of relationships with friends who I have pushed away and a four year relationship with my fiance. I just need to deal with my own grief before I can let new people in my life I think.
Groups
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Being the Other Woman/Ot…
45 members
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Loss of a loved one to a…
3 members
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Grief Counseling
141 members
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Sibling Loss
10 members
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Losing My Sister
5 members
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Losing a Sister
94 members
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Funeral Service
2 members
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I miss my Mom!
751 members
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LESBIAN ..GAY 2 SPIRITE…
15 members
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Loss of a child In memor…
29 members
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Too Young To Die
17 members
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Multiple Losses Group
324 members
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Zoom Grief Support
39 members
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Orphaned Adults
80 members
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Sole Survivors
15 members
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Just stopping in to say hello. I hope you are doing well and when you are on again I'd love to catch up. Hugs.
Just saying hello. Thinking of you.