Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
Gifts Received
Rebecca Chuma has not received any gifts yet
Rebecca Chuma's Page
Profile Information
- About my Loss:
- My mother died on July 18th 2015. A rare form of throat cancer took her from my family much too soon. I'll never forget the day I got 'the call'. I live far from my family and knew my mothers health wasn't great but nothing can prepare you for "you need to come home if you want to say goodbye". I was on the first plane I could get and I made it to see her last week. I even got one good afternoon with her, she came out of her delirium for a couple of hours and we talked and laughed and hugged. Neither of us really acknowledging what was happening. Mom wanted to die at home, so that left my step father, my sister, and myself as her nurses. It was the hardest thing I'll ever have to do, I'm sure. Watching my mom become incoherent and further from herself minute by minute was heartbreaking. But I didn't have time to deal with any of it. I was overwhelmed by making sure she was comfortable, making sure she had her pills, and later on, injections on time. We all forgot to eat and to sleep, but never once forgot to fluff her pillows or braid her hair.
Her final day came and I was the one on duty. I had just given her a dose of one of her meds and saw her relax and her breathing slowed. I sat there and held her hand as she quietly took her last breath. I still have nagging guilt about just injecting her right before...I think I always will.
I was and still am devastated. My mom. She was gone. She didn't make it to my wedding day, just 6 weeks away. I wish she got to see me walk down the aisle. She would've been so happy.
I've been wishing a lot of things since she died. Life seems so much easier in retrospect. I never would've moved so far away. Or I would've called and visited more often.
But none of that matters now. Now I know I need to learn how to enjoy my life and my new husband despite this heaviness in my heart, despite crying almost everyday, despite feeling utterly alone sometimes.
I just haven't gotten there yet.
Groups
-
Being the Other Woman/Ot…
45 members
-
Loss of a loved one to a…
3 members
-
Grief Counseling
141 members
-
Sibling Loss
10 members
-
Losing My Sister
5 members
-
Losing a Sister
94 members
-
Funeral Service
2 members
-
I miss my Mom!
751 members
-
LESBIAN ..GAY 2 SPIRITE…
15 members
-
Loss of a child In memor…
29 members
-
Too Young To Die
17 members
-
Multiple Losses Group
324 members
-
Zoom Grief Support
39 members
-
Orphaned Adults
80 members
-
Sole Survivors
15 members
Latest Activity
"its so hard xmas coz our loved 1s no longer with us so sorry on your loss "
Hitting me
My daughter did MAID last Tuesday and I've been holding up okay.But just now the Christmas convoy (trucks all lit up that do an organized drive through our small town) went by and suddenly I just started crying, thinking how my girl won't be around to have these small moments. And not that she would have - she wasn't a huge Christmas or celebration person. So I don't know why I'm sitting here crying about it.Oh this is going to hurt a lot :-(See More
"Paula! Are you still online? I haven’t been on this site in years and just happened to sign in today and saw your message. I wondered what happened with you! I hope you’re doing well and hope to hear from you. My email is…"
© 2025 Created by Ninja.
Powered by
Comment Wall (1 comment)
You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!
Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community
. For 5 days Dad and I were on watch 24 hours. Like you, that was the hardest thing I have had to endure. Thanks for sharing your story- it helps to know we are not alone .