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Pam Mahoney Female Rancho Cucamonga, CA United States: Share on Facebook MySpace Tweet

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About Me:: I don't really know who I am anymore. Divorced with a daughter in college. I was a caregiver for my mom for 8 years and very isolated, no friends. I have a roof over my head, finally got hired, but now all of my 401 is gone, and all of my belongings. I have always had a positive outlook, but the last five/six years I honestly do not find joy or happiness in anything, and that scares me.

About my Loss:: I lost my mother to Alzheimer's Sept 2014, and 2 weeks prior my brother committed suicide. I still cry every day and thought I the days were becoming a little less painful, then last month its like I am how I was after it happened. I was my moms sole caregiver and before she became ill, since I was young, I considered her my best friend. My brother didn't leave a note, and I know most people would say we should have seen it coming, but I play it over and over and sure he had bad days but he was married to his high school sweetheart and every weekend had family dinners with his sons and their families, and they had just retuned from their annual family beach vacation, no money issues, a solid marriage, so why? It haunts me, losing 2 of the most important people in my life makes me wonder what is there to live for ? Do others feel this too? I want to go to a counselor but can't see how that will help. I have been sober 18 years but sometimes wish I could just drink so maybe life will seem enjoyable again.. Anyway, I know everyone here is suffering, and maybe we will help each other. Thanks for being here!