Nikki C
  • Female
  • Long Beach, NY
  • United States
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About Me:
I am a 68 yr old grandmother of 4, married to a disabled vet and trying to get over the loss of my much loved mom.
About my Loss:
Mom was my life. I moved away from home many years past when I feel in love with my husband. We spent every vacation and at many long weekends going home to Mom and Dads. My Dad passed 20 years ago leaving my mom home in the big house by herself. We talked every day and I spend every free moment I had visiting her. It was hard on us being apart, we missed those daily interactions and talking on the phone made it easier. I was by her side when she need me for surgery on her cataracts and then when her health began to fade I made the trip to take her to doctors appointments. It was my intention to rent a summer house every year to be near her once I retired. I thought it would finally give us the time we needed with one another. I love her so much. It was a sudden and unsuspecting sickness that brought her to the hospital, I quickly packed and left the next morning to be by her side, I sat with her for 5 days and then it was over. She was gone and I was alone in this world. Yes, I still have two busy sons, and a husband but they are just not the same. I still feel alone. I feel as alone in a crowded room as I do when I am actually by myself. I am the caregiver to a disabled husband and it kept me from my mom. I was so torn between the two of them. In the end I did the best I could splitting my time. I feel dead inside, I am having trouble motivating myself to do anything. I just want to stay in bed and sleep. Did I mention that over the last few years I have also lost two very dear friends and my home twice. Yes, I lost everything in Irene and then Sandy. Flood waters swept through my home and left behind little or nothing. It seems like more than I can handle. Losing, rebuilding losing again and rebuilding again and now raising my house and moving out a third time. All this and then to lose my rock. My strength, my best friend is more than I can bear.

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Not looking forward to Christmas

It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
Dec 2, 2024
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