Nicki
  • Female
  • Gretna, LA
  • United States
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About Me:
I am a 33 year old daughter, sister and aunt to a 10 year old nephew. I've always been a bit of a loner because it takes a lot for me to trust people in friendships and romantic relationships. Once I call you my friend you also become my family and there is nothing I wouldn't do for you. I've always been a bit of an introvert as well, I'm not a talker especially when it comes to things that concern me I much prefer to try and work it out in my head first and then I'll talk about it. I've experienced 2 major losses in my life my most recent being this past Friday 8/18 and I am here to ramble and hopefully gain some support from others who know exactly what I'm going through.
About my Loss:
The summer after I graduated high school in 2002 my dad was diagnosed with cancer and passed away 6/25/06, my nephew came into this world march 2007 so he helped with my grieving process because I had a whole new focus. Last Friday 8/18/17 my boyfriend, my first love, the man that I knew God had finally sent me to spend the rest of my life with passed away. He was a recovering drug addict who had NO relapses in the time that we were together. His family said that they felt like they had the same version of him before he ever started using. An ex of his that he always remained friends with said that she finally felt like she didn't have to worry about him when he was with me because the joy that she saw when they were kids had finally returned back to his face. He had a very good job that he was so thankful for, the company put him in a house rent and bill free, so his money was his which worked well because he had very expensive taste. The only trade off for us was that we had limited time together because it required him to travel and he worked overnight minimally 12 hours a day but more recently 15+. He told me he was having a hard time getting his sleep schedule set and often came home restless and unable to sleep. I went to his house after work on Sunday and usually I would text him when I was up the street because he always wanted to meet me outside to get my bags out of the car, this past Sunday he wasn't outside so I called him when he came to the door he appeared that he had just woken up, so I shrugged it off. I realized VERY shortly after that he was slurring his words and the right side of his face looked paralyzed and he was nodding off....THATS NOT TIRED. We got into an argument over whether or not he had used, prior to him I have never seen or been around anyone that used heroin so I don't know what it looks like I just knew something was wrong. We went to bed that night and Monday went according to plan. With us living an hour apart and our opposite work schedules we stayed in communication regularly. Fast forward to Friday he texted me before I went to work Friday morning at 6:30 to let me know he made it home as he usually did. I got off work and by 4 I hadn't heard from him yet, which was VERY unusual, so I texted him for an hour but none of my messages would say "delivered" so by 5 I'm freaking out and call him but its going straight to voicemail, so I message his step mom because they live right down the road. I went to try to get some sleep around 10pm and my phone alerts that I have a message so I listen to it and its an old coworker of his saying that he passed away, my entire world came crashing down around me and the air was taken out of my lungs. I remember part of the message saying that they at looking to get a hold of his dad, so I pull myself together enough to get his dads number and I called him. I couldn't bear the thought of telling him the words that ripped my heart out of my chest so I just let him know he needed to contact the police, he opted to go to his house instead and about 45 minutes later his step mom was calling to tell me officially what had happened. His work crew went to wake him up for work because by 5 he still hadn't left the room, they went in and found him face down with a needle next to him. As I type this I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that this is MY LIFE somehow. His service is scheduled for Saturday, and today as I was with my mom shopping for a dress I fell apart at the store because I never thought I would be picking out a dress to wear to say goodbye forever to the love of my life.......how?

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It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
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