Natalie
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  • United States
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About Me:
I am 27 and live in NJ. I am a positive, warm and caring person and professionally I work as a client coordinator for Keller Williams as well as coach/referee girls lacrosse. Huge passion for helping others and traveling to experience life.
About my Loss:
My mother was 44 when it all started, she had pre-existing conditions combined with stress which only worsened leading her to have a massive stroke in 2008. I was the first person to find her, she soiled herself and I just screamed to my friends call 911, I helped her and cleaned her until they arrived and all she said was don't let me go to the hospital they won't clean me and was crying, there was nothing I could do. I was the first person to everything at 19 and I had no clue how to handle it. She seemed to be getting better but the care here was horrible so she left home to Puerto Rico to be with family and good weather to help. She did well for a while, but things started to get worse again, she never fully recovered and eventually had a massive heart attack. I went to visit her in Puerto Rico while she was there and of course when I got the news I booked a flight out there. The last words my mother ever said to me were please don't leave me when we were at the hospital and this hurts everyday. I was young, in college and I have this residual guilt of I should have dropped out or found a way to take care of her and finish school, my family tells me my mother made them promise her that I wouldn't drop out of school to take care of her. I just feel, I could have figured it out, the pain I feel without her here is worse than it taking me 2 additional years to finish college. My mother was my absolute best friend, biggest fan, and my "ride or die". I just feel I was young and my family should have come together to make it possible but instead everyone divided. I did try to relocate to fl and transfer schools to make it work with my family and my father turned down the option and my mother didn't want to move without him.

It have been 5 and a half years and yesterday 1/29 was her birthday. Everyday I find a new reason to miss her. Although all of my memories are loving thoughts I just feel we both were cheated and everything I do now is to make her hard work in putting me through catholic school worth it. I graduated college which was her dream, traveled to Europe, and everyday continue to try new things to experience all life has to offer.

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Latest Activity

Gary Ruby is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Julie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 5
Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
dream moon JO B updated their profile
Oct 16
Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10
Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
Sep 26
Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
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It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26

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