Michael
  • Male
  • Fairborn, OH
  • United States
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About Me:
I'm 63, retired, and partially disabled.
About my Loss:
My wife passed away 2weeks ago today. We were together 21 years. I alternate between feeling deep, deep despair and feeling nothing at all. I'm just lost. Part of my soul is gone.

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At 8:48pm on November 1, 2018, morgan said…

Michael,

Your age and physical diminishment's are two injurious assaults on your mind that the loss of your wife just pile on top of.  As you will see from many of us here that none of us have honestly figured out any way to deal in a "normal" way with the loss of our beloved.  Each of us have death with it in the best way we can but none of us have any illusions that we are ever returning to the person we were.  

There are many on here who will pour their heart out and you will recognize many of your own feelings about your loss through their anguish.  This site is one of the few places that will make sense to you because we know how difficult our lives have become because of facing the death of not only our other half but of ourselves.  You will feel emotions you need thought possible.

I dont have any advice other than one.  Take baby steps.  If you get a shower in a day consider it a victory.  If you get a PB&J sandwich that too will be sustenance and a victory.  This will be the hardest thing you will ever face.  I am five years eight months into grieving and I can look back and realize that although I have learned to function better in the everyday task of life (and I am 66) I really am not living.  I exist.  I am trying to accept just existing.  Periodically I pretend that something might have some meaning but after the fact I remind myself that most everything I do now is just superficial while I mark time.  

Most people around you wont be able to  understand how devastated you are and will be going forward.  Just take it an hour at a time right now.  You are in the earliest stages of having a bomb go off inside you.  It will be quite awhile before you will relate to much around you.  In the meantime, one step at a time.  Small baby steps.....

 
 
 

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