Not looking forward to Christmas
It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
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Melissa Moar
- Female
- Roslindale, MA
- United States
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Profile Information
- About Me:
- I am a 24 year old single mother to my amazing 5 year old son.
- About my Loss:
- About a year and a half ago I lost my true love John at the age of 25 to suicide after his long battle with schizophrenia. We first met when I was 14 and there was a instant spark in between us we had something very special but with time we had to end things so that he could focus on getting help with his schizophrenia, as much it broke my heart I knew it was best for him but we decided to stay good friends who always loved each other. After we broke up we would still get together to hang out and catch up but there was something always there as the years went on he met someone else and so did I and I got the gift of my son, shortly after my son was born John would come over to help take care of me and my son and there was still that spark there and I always wanted to tell him that I had never stopped loving him but I was scared of getting my heart broken again. Six days after my sons 4th birthday John took his life after finding out the news I went to be with his family were I found out from his dad that after I had my son when he left my and my son he went home and told his dad that he was going to marry me and take care of me and my son and that he was so angry and upset that my sons dad wasn't therefor a wonderful child. I keep saying to my self and wondering what if I told John how I felt all these years would he still be here with us today? Was there something I could of done to prevent this? I have suffered from ptsd since Johns death and it took me many many months to be able to drive over those train tracks and now I am able to do it but still get anxiety and panic attacks if I ever get stuck waiting for the train to pass and for the longest time I was having trouble sleeping due to every time I would close my eyes all I could see was all of the first responders and the train at a stand still and it hurts so much every day I miss him more and more and I still find my self crying when I hear or see things that remind me of him and the fact that he isnt here anymore with us and all the regret I have for not telling him that I have never stopped loving him. Now here is a little about John, John was one of the most kindest people you could ever meet, he was always there when you needed him and never expected anything in return, if you were cold he would be the first person to offer you the shirt off of his back, John would get very upset of the thought of people being abused and the fact that there were people going to bed at night hungry over all he was an amazing person with the biggest heart I have ever met.
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Groups
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Being the Other Woman/Ot…
45 members
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Loss of a loved one to a…
3 members
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Grief Counseling
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Sibling Loss
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Losing My Sister
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Losing a Sister
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Funeral Service
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I miss my Mom!
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LESBIAN ..GAY 2 SPIRITE…
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Loss of a child In memor…
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Too Young To Die
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Multiple Losses Group
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Zoom Grief Support
39 members
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Orphaned Adults
80 members
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Sole Survivors
15 members
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My mom died on Dec 27,2012, she was the only person in the world that I loved, I live with my dad, and worry about him but its not the same. Trying to figure out why I should go on living when I face homelessness when my dad dies. I've already been homeless once.
How do you make it through the days now?
I'm so sorry for the loss of your true love John.