Melissa Lee
  • Female
  • Fort Worth, TX
  • United States
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About Me:
38 or 39 horrible to say, can't remember.
About my Loss:
My name is Melissa, I lost my mom to breast cancer July 29th 2008. So I am having a bit of an issue being it’s the anniversary or her passing this Sunday. Mom moved to Alabama to take care of her mother, who was having heart surgery at the time as well and I am here in Texas. So we were not able to see each other for 13 years. A little back ground to help you understand my story; I moved away from home as a teenager and got married moved to Hawaii. Came back to the main land and had my daughter. The last time I had seen mom was when my daughter was 3 months she just turned 13- 6 days ago. My son who is now 11 has never met her or his grandfather (my dad). I did not have a very good history with my dad which is why I moved away at a very young age and still remained in contact with my mom every day via phone.
I first heard mom had cancer in 2007, when I finally talked her into going to get a mammogram. She was reluctant to go in because I was battling a tumor that rendered me unable to walk without serve pain. So she was worried about my health at the time. Finally we found out it was indeed cancer, which I think she knew it was in the first place, she just choose to not go in because she was to worried about me. Being I was not there to see her, I could only call her and talk to her for hours on end. She called one day telling me how she was in remission and the cancer was gone. I was so elated, relieved, happy and every other emotion possible at that time. This was after a triple cocktail of Chemo and radiation with a mastectomy and skin grafts. Few weeks passed every time I would call I would notice mom getting weaker and wasn’t able to talk as long or laugh like she use to. One day I called and my dad who repeatedly told me mom was doing ok, she just was going to go see a doctor because she wasn’t eating as much. It was 9 days later mom passed away after my dad finally telling me her cancer spread to the brain, liver, stomach and bones. Needless to say I am VERY VERY angry. At that time I wasn’t able to go to the funeral because, I just couldn’t deal with the fact that mom had passed on after everything. 9 months later my dad calls to tell me he was getting remarried to someone my mom knew and wanted me at that wedding. How in the hell am I suppose to go to this mans wedding when the last time I had seen him he was with mom. In my eyes, mom isn’t gone. To me even after almost 4 years, I know I haven’t accepted the fact that she is no longer here on earth. I know I am going to have to face it at some point, but I just can’t right now. The relationship I had with my dad is “nothing”. I do not want any communication with him at all. I know I will have to face it soon; I am just not ready for that yet. What do I do? Am I totally nuts for not accepting after 4 years that mom had actually died and is not around anymore? I finally had my tumor removed Dec 2008 only 4 months after mom’s death. I feel responsible because I had called mom’s oncologist and she told me that mom would be here today if she would of just went in when she first found the lump. She didn’t go in because she was worried about me and my health. Something that was painful to me and my health at the time but, since I had the tumor removed not anything major remains, the residual pain in my bones is nothing compared to having my mom gone. I know I pushed my dad out of the picture because of two things, he lied to me kept me from the truth on how bad mom really was, and he remarried so soon and started drinking and spouting horrible things about my mom which he knew is another lie. How do I handle this? Anyone?

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