Hi Marsha,

I'm so so sorry for your loss. 32 years. I bet he was your rock and best friend. I feel like you do. I miss him so much at time I can hardly breathe. I do cry on the way to work, on the way home and try to put on a happy face at work, although I'm not to good at it. I times I have to go to the bathroom and cry. My eyes are so tired I cannot really if hardly see. 

I know how you feel about not wanting to be alone and yet being outside of the house with people is difficult too. I was told we just need to take baby steps..only do what is comfortable to you..Maybe a short lunch with a friend or a phone call. Or, get on this site and pour your heart out. You can write me or talk to me anytime. I will answer you. We can share our experiences. I know it is so weird and very lonley. My husband and I did everything together. Now, I feel like the lone ranger! I'm sure you loved/love him very much. I'm actually going to counseling too and thinking about joining a support group. although I don't really like talking in front of people, I think it will be helpful to talk to people who really do know how you feel. 

Unless others have been through, they just can't or won't understand what you are facing. It is lonely, scary, overwhelming and very sad. It might be somewhat helpful to us to know our husband would not want us to be this sad. I know that's not much comfort because we miss them, but I'm tring to carry him in my heart and know that he wants me to be happy, because he loved me that much as I'm sure your dear husband did as well.
Thinking and praying for you...write anytime. 
Valerie