Lana
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About Me:
I lost my Husband Sept.7 2014. It has been the worst time of my entire life. He lost his battle with Colon Cancer when it returned 4 years later in his Liver and Lungs. When the Dr. came into the room he said buddy your Cancer is back it's in your Liver and Lungs I put my hands over my face and just sobbed, looking at my husband he stared as if a freight train was hitting head on. We did everything we could think of as alternative Cancer treatments such as plant based diet, Cannibis oil, Juicing, you name it. We truly believed he would beat this. Chemo would have only given him 2 years maybe the Dr. said. He was 6'2" 240lbs. He wasted away slowly, turning yellow and very frail toward the end. I never would have imagined this. My most beautiful man, inside and out was leaving me and there was nothing I could do, nothing! I truly did not want to believe this was happening. I truly was in denial til the end.
About my Loss:
My life feels completely over, nothing feels worth my time, from getting dressed to cleaning the house it feels all in vain. Everything we did we did together, Garage sales, Estate sales, Ebay. I dressed for him and he loved it. I would put something on to wear and he would come downstairs in something that would match me. He was my best friend both of us knew each other so well, now I dont care, now nothing seems to matter. My life is a series of disconnections with my brain and I can't make a connection. When people talk to me I can't seem to get the words that make sense. On my days off I just sit read and watch near death experiences on my PC. I want to hope, I want to know, I want to be with him again. I wanted to die, I don't want to be here and nobody understands. I'am here because of my kids, they are all I do now. My life is over except for them. I'm hoping I don't live to and old age. I envy old people when I see them. I know there is an afterlife, and I have to wait. The hardest part is how long???

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dream moon JO B posted a blog post

Not looking forward to Christmas

It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
Dec 2, 2024
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