Lana
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About Me:
I lost my Husband Sept.7 2014. It has been the worst time of my entire life. He lost his battle with Colon Cancer when it returned 4 years later in his Liver and Lungs. When the Dr. came into the room he said buddy your Cancer is back it's in your Liver and Lungs I put my hands over my face and just sobbed, looking at my husband he stared as if a freight train was hitting head on. We did everything we could think of as alternative Cancer treatments such as plant based diet, Cannibis oil, Juicing, you name it. We truly believed he would beat this. Chemo would have only given him 2 years maybe the Dr. said. He was 6'2" 240lbs. He wasted away slowly, turning yellow and very frail toward the end. I never would have imagined this. My most beautiful man, inside and out was leaving me and there was nothing I could do, nothing! I truly did not want to believe this was happening. I truly was in denial til the end.
About my Loss:
My life feels completely over, nothing feels worth my time, from getting dressed to cleaning the house it feels all in vain. Everything we did we did together, Garage sales, Estate sales, Ebay. I dressed for him and he loved it. I would put something on to wear and he would come downstairs in something that would match me. He was my best friend both of us knew each other so well, now I dont care, now nothing seems to matter. My life is a series of disconnections with my brain and I can't make a connection. When people talk to me I can't seem to get the words that make sense. On my days off I just sit read and watch near death experiences on my PC. I want to hope, I want to know, I want to be with him again. I wanted to die, I don't want to be here and nobody understands. I'am here because of my kids, they are all I do now. My life is over except for them. I'm hoping I don't live to and old age. I envy old people when I see them. I know there is an afterlife, and I have to wait. The hardest part is how long???

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Latest Activity

Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
dream moon JO B updated their profile
Oct 16
Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10
Welcome Them!
Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
Sep 26
Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
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It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26
1 Comment
Kali joined Cathy Richardson's group
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Being the Other Woman/Other Man

This is for anyone who has lost their lover to death and you were the other woman/other man in their life. We have to grieve in silence. I can't find any support groups and feel like I'm the only one going through this situationSee More
Sep 25
39 Comments
Profile IconKali and Bridget Baker joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sep 25

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