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Krystina Stamp Female Independence, MO United States: Share on Facebook MySpace Tweet

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About Me:: I'm a 24 year old gay woman who is married to the most amazing person I know. I struggle with anger issues, ADHD, and depression. I am trying to change my life around and be a more positive and better person. It's a slow process, and I haven't see much change yet, but I'm hoping to get there.

About my Loss:: In October 2012 I miscarried our first baby. That, on it's own, was very rough. The miscarriage was a very early one, but the pain wasn't any less. I found out I was pregnant again in December 2012. We were so surprised that I had gotten pregnant again so quickly after the miscarriage. December 20th I woke up around 7am, as usual, for our work day. As I was looking at my phone, noticing I had multiple missed calls from my Aunt, she called again. I knew something was wrong. No one in my family calls that early in the morning, especially that many times, unless someone had died or there is an emergency. As I was walking into my living room (so I didn't wake up my wife by being on the phone) I started shaking. She told me to sit down. I did. The next words that came through that phone into my ear, the sudden nauseous feeling and instant hysteria, are things I will never forget. "Your Mom found your Dad dead in the living room floor this morning." My heart still drops by the mere mention of those words.
The only thing I could get out was a shocked "WHAT?!" as I could feel that big lump coming up into my through and the hysterical crying beginning. After that point, I don't remember what was said. I only remember busting into our bedroom and through hysterical crying screaming "BABY, MY DAD IS DEAD!"
Though, things had been a bit rough due to a problem he had, the few years before he died, my Dad was my best friend (Not counting my Wife, obviously). My whole life I had an extreme fear of losing my Dad. My fear became reality that day. To make matters worse, we had just gotten hit with a snow storm, so I couldn't even drive to their house to be with my sister and Mom right away.
Not too long after that, I went to have another ultrasound. We found out that the baby wasn't growing, the pregnancy was no more. I had to be scheduled for a D&C. Another miscarriage? How much more can we take? January 10th, I had the D&C. 3 weeks after my Dad passes away suddenly, our second baby gets taken away.

Miscarriage. Dad dies. Miscarriage. All within 2 months. That was a terrible time in my family and I's lives. And honestly, I don't think I have come very far with the mourning process. I have a tendency to shove things deep down and rarely think about it. Meaning, the grieving process probably didn't go how it was supposed to. Maybe that's why I still always feel so sad? Finding a new 'Normal' isn't easy. Going to your parents house, with part of you still expecting to see your Dad come walking out of his room and giving you a scratchy (from his whiskers) kiss on the cheek, then realizing once you get there, that not only will that not happen, but it won't ever again. Realizing that everyone you knew that got pregnant around the time you were, are giving birth when you should be as well.. But you're not. Those things don't seem fair. Not at all. But, life isn't always fair, is it? They say that God won't give you obstacles that he knows you can not overcome. I guess in the saying, it doesn't specify exactly how long it does take to overcome it.