Kristian
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Kristian is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 6, 2020

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About Me:
I'm 31 yrs old. I identify as a straight male however I am ftm. I have a beautiful wife and two step children.
About my Loss:
My mother passed away just over three years ago. My mother was very sick. My mother was diagnosed with a familial disease called Primary Pulmonary Hypertension. She needed a double lung and heart transplant. At the time she was diagnosed she was already too sick to transplant. My mom lived ten years with her disease surpassing the estimated 4-6. My aunts and uncles/long time family friend's tell me my mother in her life just never caught a break. She lived through many unfortunate circumstances. She was a fighter, she was petite with the heart and temper of a lion. My mother stumbled a few times in life, as her Cubs we did feel the impact of each trip... While young and without understanding, while battling my way through a foster care system I felt confusion, sadness and resentment. As I grew older and having experienced personal tribulations of my own, with a grateful tone I found forgiveness and I mean the kind that lifts that weight from your shoulders. I was able to express it to my mother and take that weight once and for all off of her. The last four years of her life we became more close then ever before. She knew how much I loved her. I lived a distance from her and having started my own family I was not there the way I wish I would have been. There are many stories but ultimately Bim currently dealing with an incredibly, debilitating at times, horrific amount of guilt. I feel I know the common conception of her not wanting me to feel this way and that she wouldn't have wanted me to stop living ... There are no healing words thus far that eliminates what I'm feeling. Combined with experiencing her traumatic in hospital passing.. I have found myself to have slid down a slope into a whirling cloudy chaotic funnel of emotions and behaviors that I now present as my life. Common feelings of no one understanding and intense ups and downs are regular. I watched some videos on YouTube on grief and got the idea to join a group where ppl may relate on one level or another and so here I am. My ears, mind and heart are here if I am ever sought by someone else. Thoughts are with everyone here. Thanks for having me.
Kristian.S

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Latest Activity

dream moon JO B posted a blog post

Not looking forward to Christmas

It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
Dec 2
Profile IconBert Sel and Nikki joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 27
Gary Ruby is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 19
Julie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 5
Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
dream moon JO B updated their profile
Oct 16
Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10

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