Kendra,  I saw you updated your status and came to see what you wrote.  I can only say that with your marker day coming around again and the tragedy that your daughter endured I can only hope you have someone close to you that you can pour your heart out to.  I'm not sure I am in any way the best person to be able to say any of the right things (although I try) but if you do not have someone who does understand your pain then you could ask me to be your friend and I will do what I can on a more personal level to communicate. 

This "holiday" was also the beginning of the end of my husband's arc to death and it happened so quickly that this time of year is just plain rough for me too so that's why I am writing.  But I cannot imagine what it would have been like to have that happen to your daughter afterward.  Whoa, that is simply more punishment than is imaginable.  

I will be thinking of you in the hopes that you are finding ways of getting through these marker days and someone is providing you with some kind words of support and a comforting ear to listen.  If not, I am here.

Take long deep breaths and yes it is ok to cry.