Kathryn Hart
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  • Bakersfield, CA
  • United States Minor Outlying Islands
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About my Loss:
I am reeling from the sudden loss of my only child. My beautiful 18year old son Augustine on December 5th,2010 at 11:50 pm on a Sunday. We now know he had a massive berry aneurym rupture. I am at a complete loss..... i feel as if I died with him my heart and soul feel empty. As a single mom my son was my entire life, the light, and my reason to live. I took my son to the hospital(where i work as a phlebotomist) at his request that Sunday evening with nausea and vomiting and "the worst" headache he ever had. At one point before the first seizure he said, "Mom my head is going to explode!" My sweet baby boy was hurting so bad and he was walking and talking when we got there, he even flirted with his nurse! In the waiting room my son said to me "Mom i am going to to die and when I do just know that no matter what i have said or done I love you more than anything." I replied " No baby your not going to die your are all I've got I won't have it! Any way baby your at my hospital now we are going to fix this." I feel now as if I lied to him eventhough I assumed meningitis or a severe migraine its as if I did'nt heed some type of warning from my own baby! Aug's seizure did'nt seem to be of much concern to his nurse but I was puzzled and alarmed.... his arms raised straight out and up he shook and his rolled back I did"nt want him to bend his IV catheter and risk a re-stick so i held his arms down and said baby keep your arms down and talk to mommy i am right here lets talk about our trip to hawaii together he says mom I'm sorry I am just kinda out of it(this a probably when the aneurysm perforated....my baby is bleeding out in his brain and he says sorry!!!) I had him talking and told baby you had a seizure i am going to step out and call gramma they are going to admit you. As i walked out I thought he may have have had another seizure. i called my mom hysterical(she was already on her way) I felt a distinctive flurry of activity behind me and when I turned I saw my staff running to exam room 4 and then I heard the overhead call for "Code Blue ER Code Blue ER exam rm 4 Code blue!!! My two fellow phlebs that were with until my mom arrived tried to stop me from going back to the door......that did'nt work. I went to room and screamed Augie really baby come on don't play don't do this to me. I watched with my mother for 2 hours as they pushed live saving meds, shocked him and beat his chest! I remember screaming when code first was called "don't you call it don't you call it! you do everything you can he is just a baby he is just a baby he is my baby!! Take him to trauma an d crack his chest he can't die he is just a baby!" My son passed from this world just as he was born into with the 2 women that loved him above anything and everything my mother and I. I screamed so much and said oh my god my baby my I have nothing without my baby I am all alone I even tried shaking him and pleading with him to just wake up just breathe.... As they worked on him before he was pronounced I remember screaming to God take me take me not my baby please don"t take my baby. After he passed (just minutes) my father, fiance, Aug's father and paternal grandparents arrived. I brought them to my son where Aug's father was informed it should be you not him, I threw up on my fiance, for the first time in my life I saw my father cry, I of course inconsolable as my fiance cried and held me and I said over and over he is just playing or sleeping he is going to wake up right now. My staff were all of a sudden not just co-workers they were real people crying and so very sad. Due to the circumstances(healthy 18year olds don't just die!) they could remove nothing from my son i had to kiss him goodbye around the tube placed in mouth. I die daily it does'nt "get easier" and I need help.

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