Not looking forward to Christmas
It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
Gifts Received
K has not received any gifts yet
K's Page
Profile Information
- About Me:
- I am 32, I live in Ontario Canada. I do not have children but am living with my boyfriend in our home. I work in the mental health field, and the court system with children. I have three cats and a dog :)
- About my Loss:
- I lost my mother when I was 14 years old, two weeks into high school. We were quite close, although I knew she was sick (heart problem) I didn't think that she would actually pass away. On the day of her death, I woke up to my dad and older brother sitting on my bed. My brother didn't live with us, so that was particularly confusing. Anyways, my dad told me about my mom by asking me if I knew my mom had died last night? From then on, life was sad. I wasn't a particularly popular teen, I had a few friends, but no one at 14 was prepared to talk to me about this! My dad became more of an alcoholic, as well he started dating a woman 3 months after my mom's death. She was horrible. My brother who is 9 years older than me, sorta did his own bereavement which was drinking and partying. My dad and I fought, he mentally abused me, and on occasion physically hit me. I did okay in school despite that, and did manage to go off to university. I did mediocure in university, but well enough to graduate. I had to come back every summer because I had to work then I would return to school. It was always a tense transition from going to school back to that house. I also developed an anxiety disorder in 3rd year, where I believed that I was going to die from a heart attack like my mother. After university I decided I would never go back to that house, and enrolled in college because I did so crappy in university that I couldn't get into a masters program and I didn't have a job to go to (other than my summer job). College was horrible, it was hard for me academicially to go from a more stressful insitiution to a more relaxed high school feeling school. I experimented with lots of terrible things in college, all of a sudden I didn't care? I was on a heavier dose of anti depressants which made me kinda mean and unfeeling. My 'loving' brother told me that his now wife told him that I was too attached to him, and it was time to cut the apron strings. I did graduate college, and moved to a large city. My dad and I were okay at this point, I couldn't spend any more than a night there, not that he would stay home anyways, I would come home and he would go out for the night! In 2006 he was diagnosed with lymphoma. I was worried, and I went to most of his treatments. He beat it (we thought), until 2009 when he started to get some gastro stuff. Long traumatic story, but it returned and hid in his bowels. My dad died 2 weeks after my 29 birthday. My brother, who at this time had become more money crazed seemed to be more concerned with how much money we wouldl inherit rather than my dad's death. My dad and my brother had some fights, they didn't have the greatest relationship... my brother has two kids, who hardly knew their grandfather, and in my opinion actually didn't like him much. My sister in law is unusual as well.
My dad took my brother out of the will, essentially leaving everything to me. My dad's gf at the time (same one) lived in his house until a year and a half ago until she decided to move. My brother has not spoken to me since after his funeral. He feels that I manipulated our dad into giving me everything.
I struggle because I disliked my father for so many years, and I have lots of bad memories of him...but it doesn't take away the fact that he was my dad. I love him. I don't love what he did to me, and I'm forever messed up because of him, but I still miss him? I miss and I long for a dad who cared for me I guess. I miss my mom desperately. I miss my family. Instead of being with my only sibling, my only immediate family member... I have myself, my bf and his family who don't really care much about me. I won't get into that because it might actually be my perception.
Groups
-
Being the Other Woman/Ot…
45 members
-
Loss of a loved one to a…
3 members
-
Grief Counseling
141 members
-
Sibling Loss
10 members
-
Losing My Sister
5 members
-
Losing a Sister
94 members
-
Funeral Service
2 members
-
I miss my Mom!
751 members
-
LESBIAN ..GAY 2 SPIRITE…
15 members
-
Loss of a child In memor…
29 members
-
Too Young To Die
17 members
-
Multiple Losses Group
324 members
-
Zoom Grief Support
39 members
-
Orphaned Adults
80 members
-
Sole Survivors
15 members
Latest Activity
© 2025 Created by Ninja.
Powered by
Comment Wall
You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!
Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community