Joseph,
I have spent much of my grief after 35 years of marriage trying to understand how I could be so devastated. The pain has gotten a less frequent but not much less intense when it hits. I came here on this site for years and commiserated with others who understood how the loss of a loving spouse was not an aberration. It was real and it was normal. At seven and half years into grief I have found ways to distract myself but the first four to five years were so hard. I was told to take baby steps. Sometimes it was just a minute at a time. And I ate very little because at first I wanted to starve myself so I too would die. Now my brain allows me a little reprieve but I have to work at it.
If you go back through some of our writings particularly in this subject "lost your spouse" you will gain some insight into how we all have dealt with our pain. It might be a way to help you.
Take care the best you can. It's the best we all try to do.
Morgan