Jason
  • Male
  • Newburgh, NY
  • United States
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What do you do for fun? Or a hobby?
5 Replies

My wife died 4 weeks ago.And while I am not there yet and may not be for some time, or ever, I am curious to know if anyone has found enjoyment in their lives again.Or at least a pleasant way to pass…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Felicia Mar 28, 2016.

I want to punch people who say "I wish I knew her better."
2 Replies

If you gave a crap you would have known her better.You had the opportunity. You just didn't think she was worth your time. Go f**k yourselves.She was my everything and she was worth all of my time.Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by dream moon JO B Mar 26, 2016.

My wife's Memorial Mass was yesterday
2 Replies

It was nice to see so many people turn out. People we hadn't seen in 20 years. People we had written off. And our friends who we didn't realize were such good friends. It was a stressful day and a…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by bluebird Mar 14, 2016.

Today is my wife's Memorial Mass
3 Replies

I want to speak. To get up there and tell everybody how perfect she was.To share the story of our lives.But not only does this church her mother chose frown on eulogies, I don't know if I can hold it…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Sam Mar 12, 2016.

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Jason's Page

Profile Information

About Me:
44 y.o. widower
Father of twins
About my Loss:
Wife and lover of 26 years, 1 month, from our first dance together to her last.
We were high school sweethearts.
I've never been without her by my side.

Jason's Blog

More tired, more grief

It seems like I have not been sleeping well. I am physically exhausted but cannot fall asleep. The nights and the mornings are the worst.
Throughout the day now I breakdown more often in tears but I do recover faster.
I am sad and angry all of the time.
I wish she hadn't died.

Posted on March 23, 2016 at 7:23am — 1 Comment

The sad and the guilt

The sad and the guilt are hitting me hard last night and today.
I am so sad she is not alive.
I feel guilty that I could not save her.
She was my wife. She was my responsibility.
I should have taken better care of her.

Posted on March 20, 2016 at 7:47am

Listening to music

Hadn't been able to listen to music until tonight.
It didn't destroy me the way I thought it would.
The memories come flooding back but I didn't break down like I thought I would.
Am I in shock?
Am I numb?
Is something wrong with me?
Or is this part of the grief.
My heart feels like it has a chunk missing now. But it no longer feels like there is a knife sticking out of it.

Posted on March 18, 2016 at 12:50am — 2 Comments

Day 20

Well, it happened. After only 20 days both kids are sick. Great. They weren't letting me get any sleep before. Now I'm up half the night with sick kids.

I don't know if I have the stamina. I am so tired.

I am having problems accepting what has happened. I imagine the kids are too.

What a living nightmare.

Posted on March 17, 2016 at 1:26am

Comment Wall (2 comments)

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At 7:47pm on February 28, 2017, Jason said…
I am still kickin'!
Kids happy and healthy.
1 year has passed since my wife died.
Just this week, I realized I may have accepted it. It happened. I cannot fix it. I have to live. For me. For my kids. I may even be happy one day.
At 12:38pm on April 13, 2016, Mel Royer said…

Jason,

How are you doing? Haven't heard from you for awhile. How about posting an update for everyone.      Mel

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Gary Ruby is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Julie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 5
Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
dream moon JO B updated their profile
Oct 16
Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10
Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
Sep 26
Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
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It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26

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