Jane
  • Female
  • Olmsted Falls, OH
  • United States
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About Me:
I am 59. I am partially disabled. I don't work, can't due to health. My husband, the love of my life, my best friend died after an 11 month bout with ALS. Gone, poof...
About my Loss:
My hubby of 34 years died after wasting away for 11 months. I lost him, his support, our inside jokes, our special touches and humor. I also lost his income, medical insurance. We raised 2 kids together and then 3 grandkids from birth as their mother dealt with addiction issues. We did it together, hand in hand. I still have two kids at home. No spouse, no support, no money. I miss my best friend, my rock, but never seem to be able to deal with the loss as I fight daily to keep the power on, water to flush the toilet, food for the kids. I live on 1,100 bucks a month thanks to my husbands military service. I have gone it alone for 10 months now, I am tired. I want to go to sleep and not wake up. I dealt with my physical condition, the level 8 pain and weakness because he helped and made it better. I lost that. I see no light at the end of the tunnel. Just physical and emotional pain, being alone and being hungry from lack of funds. I looked into food stampa, no go. My kids are older, my 1,100 a month makes me to rich for help. I play roulette with the bills, gas, power one month, water and sewer the next. Hoping they don't turn things off. I pay internet when I find cheap food. Oh, I also care for an 87 year old father. I need a reason to not just cease to exist. I'm tired of this mess and tired of dealing with the physical pain.

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Not looking forward to Christmas

It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
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Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
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