Grace
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About Me:
I am 26 years old with a 7 year old of my own working on my degree and in a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend.
About my Loss:
In the summer of 2010, my mom was mowing the lawn close to a pond with a riding lawn mower. She got too close to the edge and the pond was quite deep and she was thrown into the water with the riding mower landing on her, pining her to the bottom of the pond. No one was home, and a few hours later her fiancé came home to find her car in the driveway but no sight of her. He frantically looked everywhere and then thought of the most horrifying possibility: the pond. He rush to the water and saw the track marks from where the mower slipped and found my dear mom dead in the water with the mower on top of her. He tried to lift it but it was too heavy. He called for help and it took two grown men to lift it off of her. The paramedics rushed to the scene only to pronounce her dead.

My mom was 45 years old and her and I were not talking at the time of the accident. We had a rocky relationship that was beyond horrifying and confusing for me. She was a closet alcoholic and I am convinced she also had some mental health issues that were never identified or dealt with. Despite our terrible relationship, she was my mom and I love her and that was the most shocking and terrifying day of my life. I still can't quite remember it all. It's like a haze.

I am trying to survive/cope/have hope and make peace with what our relationship was, her death (and the way she died), and trust that she is ok now and there was some type of purpose in it all. Everyday stabbing pain in my throat and chest hurt me so deep. I am searching for answers, light, hope, God and a light at the end of the tunnel.

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It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
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