Not looking forward to Christmas
It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
-
Ginny McNees
- Female
- Gladstone, OR
- United States
- Blog Posts
- Discussions
- Groups
- Photos
- Photo Albums
- Videos
Ginny McNees's Page
Gifts Received
Ginny McNees has not received any gifts yet
Profile Information
- About Me:
- I am the youngest and only daughter in my family. From my birth till age 14, my mother was in bed, doped up on sleeping pills. She underwent two electroshock therapies. Mental illness was not discussed in the 1950s.
All I knew was an absentee mother. No bonding with her. No tea parties, hair brushing, cuddling, nothing.
Mom stayed in bed 24/7. Prior to starting elementary school, I was alone. I had to fend for myself to get food. Scrounging around in the kitchen and climbing up on the kitchen counters to find something to eat as par for the course. My only companion was my beloved dog. My dog and the television. Yet, once my brothers came home from school and Dad came home from work, life was great! Dad funny, sweet and visible! While they were home, things seemed normal in my home. It was only the weeks prior to Christmas when my Mother appeared. She was dressed and visible all day long. She rearranged the furniture in the living room, Dad brought home the Christmas tree and we all participated in decorating it. Presents for my brothers and I were placed in three special areas in our living room unseen until Mom woke my one brother and I up at Midnight on Christmas to tell us Santa Claus had come! What Fun! Joy!
It was Glorious! Mom baked cakes, cookies, etc. On Christmas Day, we'd visit my father's family in DC, and then visit Mom's family for the bulk of the entire day. It was GLORIOUS.
However, after the Christmas season was over, the tree finally taken down, ornaments put away, furniture put back in place, Mom went back to bed. And I wouldn’t see her until the next Christmas. At least, that is what my memory tells me.
When Mom got well for good I was 14, the family dynamic shifted dramatically and now Mom saw me as a tall, teenage daughter who looked on her skeptically. Who was this woman telling me what to do? I loved her with all my heart though and still do. Up until the last thing I ever told her face to face was how much I loved her and always had and always will. I spoke the truth. Her reply was to smile and say, "I know you do".
Then an odd thing happened: my father would have nothing to do with me. In fact, he successfully pushed me away with criticisms. He began verbally with body shaming me.
At 14, my world seemed to end. He always compared me with my slender delicately boned best friend. Why couldn't I look like Brenda? Why couldn't I get good grades like her, etc? The message I learned was I am not enough. I will never be enough.
Truth is, behind closed doors, my mother manipulated my father. It was as though she drew the battle lines: her and Dad on one side. My brothers and I on the other.
My father loved her and feared her, too.
Through many years of therapy, I learned how my mother triangulated all the family relationships. She did this to get her own needs met by sacrificing the rest of us, as well as keeping us wary of one another.
For the past 10 yrs, while living on her own, I phoned my mother regularly. Plus, I live 3K miles away, and I would get homesick to see her and would always let her know when my husband and I were planning to come into town.
She'd sound excited and pleased. We'd make plans to do stuff. But 9/10 times when I phoned her to get together she made excuses to avoid seeing me. She avoided me like the plague. Then I learned she lied to my brothers by telling them I never tried to visit her???? That cut me like a knife.
You can imagine, how confusing this all was for me. The endless wondering why, why, why?
From 2004 on, I’ve had years of deep grieving for a mother I never had. I had hoped she would accept me, love me but it was in vain.
- About my Loss:
- Last year on Christmas morning, I received a phone call from one of my brother's telling me my mother was in the hospital and was dying. Two days later while on a plane traveling cross country to be with her she died. I had no opportunity to just be with her, touch her, and say goodbye.
For nearly this entire year, I have lost motivation/interest in doing anything with my life. I'm just existing. I 'soothe' myself by sitting on the sofa watching far too much television, oversleeping, etc. My head tells me to get out there and live my life. My heart remains mute.
My husband has been very supportive and loving.
Learning abandonment and neglect as little girl created a hole in my heart that has never healed.
- Are You a Service Provider? If Yes, please tell us about your service.
- no
Groups
-
Being the Other Woman/Ot…
45 members
-
Loss of a loved one to a…
3 members
-
Grief Counseling
141 members
-
Sibling Loss
10 members
-
Losing My Sister
5 members
-
Losing a Sister
94 members
-
Funeral Service
2 members
-
I miss my Mom!
751 members
-
LESBIAN ..GAY 2 SPIRITE…
15 members
-
Loss of a child In memor…
29 members
-
Too Young To Die
17 members
-
Multiple Losses Group
324 members
-
Zoom Grief Support
39 members
-
Orphaned Adults
80 members
-
Sole Survivors
15 members
Latest Activity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
© 2025 Created by Ninja.
Powered by
Comment Wall
You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!
Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community