Delving Eye
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About my Loss:
Hi everybody. I'm new to this thread, which I found while surfing online to see how other widows are coping.

My husband of 40 years died six months ago after a year-long battle with bladder cancer. I'm so glad his pain is over, but now mine is greater than ever. I'm living in some kind of twilight zone.

Our 2 children live with me and if it weren't for them, I would have bought a one-way ticket to Switzerland, which is to say, I'd have checked out.

Life is hardly worth living, and I consider myself among the walking dead. But because I have to go on until my son and daughter are on their own, I've started keeping a journal. It helps a lot, even when the entries say nothing more than: "I took a walk and cried the whole way."

I know many other widows are in far greater distress than I, and I feel grateful for the good things I do have. At the moment I'm financially comfortable (hope that lasts), and my children and I are in good health.

Still, I have suffered a loss from which I will never fully recover. I fall asleep hoping to die every night, and then I wake up and the nightmare continues.

One solace is that I know there's an afterlife (I've had signs and messages from the other side), which helps immensely. I also consulted three psychics to help me get some kind of answer to how my husband is doing and what my future is.

They all said similar things, especially about when I'd meet someone else -- though it's impossible to imagine myself with anyone, ever. I asked the most recent psychic when I'd die, hoping she'd say soon. Instead, she told me to hang onto my hat, I had another 30+ years to go. "A full generation," is how she put it. Christ! I cannot last 30 years. I often feel I cannot last 30 minutes. But she said I'd meet someone I could marry in 2-3 years. I'll be 65 by then (my kids say I don't look it, bless them).

Then again, if I were able to find love (the only thing worth living for), I'd be happy to stick around and try to enjoy life again. Otherwise, 30+ years of existence would just be a slow death sentence.

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Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
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Oct 16
Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10
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Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
Sep 26
Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
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It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26
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Kali joined Cathy Richardson's group
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Being the Other Woman/Other Man

This is for anyone who has lost their lover to death and you were the other woman/other man in their life. We have to grieve in silence. I can't find any support groups and feel like I'm the only one going through this situationSee More
Sep 25
39 Comments
Profile IconKali and Bridget Baker joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sep 25

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