Daniel Arguello
  • Male
  • San Antonio, TX
  • United States
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About Me:
I'm a 54 year old male. Thought I was strong, thought I could handle this all by myself... Boy have I been fooling myself... Anyway my loss is so hard for me to even think about it. I know I need someone to talk to and/or listen to me and I have very few people that I can talk to. those that are there for me also need me there for them. But once again I'm suppose to be strong, I need to be here for them when they hurt and when they need someone to talk to. I just don't feel right breaking down in front of them so I sit by myself and think and break down all by myself. Right now I feel pretty much alone.... I do have alot to talk about regarding my Mothers passing and me being at her side for those 2 long years and also my being there when she passed away which was October 26th 2010. I'm sure it will all pass once the hurt goes away ..if it ever does. For now I just sit here think of her and think about my Father who is now as I am alone...please read on about my loss below....if interested
About my Loss:
I just lost my Mother 7 days ago after a 2 year battle with Lung Cancer and COPD. I can't even think of it cause if I do I completely fall apart. But I do need to let it all out I just don't know how......but soon it will all pass........ Well guess what it started to pass. The hurt inside for my Mother... The hurt was slowly going away for myself as well as for my Father. October 26th 2010 will be a day forever in our hearts and in our minds. However 216 days after that date is a date which will also stay in my heart and in my mind. On that date just when I thought it was getting better my Father passed away. He was never the same after the 26th of October 2010. I think he actually started to prepare and then plan for his passing to be with my Mother. After being married to the lady of his dreams for 70 years ... yes 70 years what else is there once shes gone. I do believe he slowly starved himself to death. He weighed a little less that 85 pounds the day he died. His passing was similar to my Mothers. My mom was on hospice...My dad was too. My mom was bed ridden about a month him...about 2 weeks. My mom was unresponsive for 3 days...my dad 2 days. I cared for my mom for most of her sickness...I cared for my dad as soon as he became ill...about 3 days before he got bed ridden. I checked on my moms condition at 1:00 am on the 26th of October...left the room for a few minutes...returned and found her in gods hands at 1:08 am...with my dad i was with him all day long never leaving his side on the 29th of May....at 1:00 am on the 30th I dared not let go of his hand. Talked to him letting him know I would never leave his side...at 1:07 am on the 30th of May 2011...I held my Fathers hand as he entered Gods kingdom. My moms passing was and I could only hope a peaceful passing as I was'nt there when it happened....My dads passing was a very peaceful passing....I know I was there...he took a breath very 2 to 4 minutes until he took his last breath then he was gone...and for both my parents I was there for them. I was the one in charge of thier care..their meds...in charge of every aspect of their last months weeks days hours and minutes of their lives... I took their passing extremely hard... I could'nt show how hard when my mom passed.... but when my Father passed... I did show it and boy did I show it...my brother told me a few days after my Mother passed that it takes a special person to witness death and not fall apart... that was me when my Mother passed. Never showed emotion always strong for everyone especially my Father. The day my Father passed there I was again strong for everyone but falling apart inside. I took it very hard inside...in my mind I was the one who killed them....I was in charge of giving them their meds... no one else would do it...I needed them to be as comfortable as they could be without pain or discomfort...I needed to have those I loved dearly for 54 years at peace. Deep down inside however I do carry a heavy burden. I have had people tell me that should they ever get ill I would not be the one they call. They actually said all my patients die.... The same people called me Dr. Death...This really bothers me to know that those people are the same people that could'nt and would'nt care for my Mother and Father through their time of need. They were the ones who would not come see them as they were dying...the ones who were not there when they died. The ones my Father asked me to be kind to... I don't know as far as I am concern out of 9 children my Mother and Father raised 3 no longer are my sisters.... what a way to be after all those years they depended on their parents those three couldnt be there when their parents needed them the most... well sorry for rambling on.....its starting to get the better of me right now maybe I will do this some other time....

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Not looking forward to Christmas

It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
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"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
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